Thinking About the Birth Father: Loss, Longing, Ambivalence, and Indifference Among Adopted Adolescents With Lesbian Mothers

Abstract

Adopted youth often have contact with or at least information about birth family members—but such relationships or knowledge rarely extend to birth fathers. The current study explores ideas, feelings, and questions about birth fathers among youth raised by two mothers, including whether or not they desire contact. Interviews were conducted with 25 adolescents, ages 13–19 years. Thematic analysis of narratives revealed seven groups of respondents who displayed a range of interests, feelings, and contact desires in relation to birth fathers. Some adolescents had limited information about or interest in their birth fathers, others showed ambivalence and uncertainty, and still others voiced curiosity and strong interest. A few articulated a sense of a fathers ‘absence’ and a longing for a fatherly presence. The data are interpreted in the context of ambiguous loss, uncertainty management, and gender perspectives. Implications for future research, adoption practice, and adoptive parenting are considered.