“They're not my daughter, and yet…they're also not my son”: Parents negotiating their adult child's nonbinary gender identity

Abstract

Scholars are increasingly recognizing that substantial gender heterogeneity exists among transgender populations; that is, gender identities that defy the ubiquitous binary categories of male and female. However, the developing research base on the families of transgender adults focuses almost exclusively on the family members of transgender persons with binary gender identities, a noteworthy shortcoming considering the prevalence of nonbinary gender identities among transgender populations and the pervasive assumption that only two genders exist. To address this gap, the current study sought to uncover how the parents of transgender adults with nonbinary gender identities come to understand, make sense of, and negotiate nonbinary gender identities in their families. Fourteen parents—12 mothers and 2 fathers—completed in‐depth, semi‐structured interviews, and the collected data were analyzed using reflexive thematic analysis. Analyses generated three broad themes that best‐described these parents' experience with their child's gender, which was heavily shaped by the pervasiveness of cisnormativity: (a) varied attempts to understand nonbinary gender; (b) a nonbinary “double‐edged sword”; and (c) familial resilience. Directions for future research, clinical practice, and policy change are discussed, including the therapeutic benefit of dialectical thinking and the need for legislation that legally affirms and protects nonbinary persons.