What Is a Life Well Lived? A Review of Looking Back: Memoir of a Psychoanalyst by Paul Ornstein With Helen Epstein

A t the High Holiday service last fall, the new Jewish Reform prayer book, Mishkan HaNefesh, changed a central ancient prayer. Instead of the original plea, “Inscribe me in the Book of Life,” it now reads, “Inscribe me in the Book of Life Well-Lived.” On first hearing this I wondered, “How does one begin to identify and evaluate a well-lived life?” I thought again of this question as I read Paul Ornstein’s lovely and surprisingly profound memoir titled simply Looking Back: Memoir of a Psychoanalyst. If you want to know what a life well lived looks like, read this book. Still the book raises many questions for me. What are the ingredients of a welllived life? From our own lives, from our history as psychoanalysts, from analytic theory, and from child and family literature, we have gleaned ideas about the foundational experiences that inform positive human functioning. Selfobject experience, affective attunement, mentalizing experience, and positive parental vision—we are persuaded that these foster in children conditions for psychological growth and development and a solid sense of self. Yet, how do these ingredients combine with experience, and what are the quickening agents that propel a person toward a well-lived life? That is, what is the mysterious alchemy that transforms these ingredients into a realized life? Finally, how as analysts do we foster such a process in the adult lives of our patients? Although we have some directions here, this terrain is still somewhat murky. Using Paul Ornstein’s story, this review will inquire into these questions.