Category relations and norms of feelings in children’s performances of a boyfriend-girlfriend culture

This study explores how preteen children in everyday interaction mobilize relationship categories to negotiate what counts as appropriate romantic feelings among peers. The analysis draws on ethnomethodological work on membership categorization and conversation analysis, integrated with ethnographic knowledge of children’s social life. Particular attention is on how children make claims of and resist membership in a particular relationship category (that of boyfriend-girlfriend). The sequential analysis shows how category-based claims of ‘liking someone’ and ‘being together,’ indexing a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, are responded to with resistance and denials. Categorical claims are also turned into public performances of relational pairing invoking the normative character of romantic matchmaking. The findings suggest that norms of feelings play a central role in preteen children’s emotional behavior, and serve as important cultural resources for children to address their emergent concerns regarding peer group relationships.