Reciprocal self-disclosure makes children feel more loved by their parents in the moment: A proof-of-concept experiment

Feeling loved by one's parents is critical for children's health and well-being. How can such feelings be fostered? A vital feature of loving interactions is reciprocal self-disclosure, where individuals disclose intimate information about themselves. In a proof-of-concept experiment, we examined whether encouraging reciprocal self-disclosure in parent-child dyads would make children feel more loved during the conversation. Participants were 218 children (ages 8–13, 50% girls, 94% Dutch) and one of their parents (ages 28–56, 62% women, 90% Dutch). Parent-child dyads received a list of 14 questions and took turns asking them each other for 9 min. Dyads were assigned randomly to engage in self-disclosure (questions invoking escalated intimacy) or small talk (questions invoking minimal intimacy). Before and after, children reported how loved they felt by their parent during the conversation. Self-disclosure made children feel more loved during the conversation than did small talk. Compared to small talk, self-disclosure did not instigate conversations that were lengthier or more positive; rather, it instigated conversations that were more emotionally charged (reflecting anger, anxiety, and sadness), social (discussing family and friends), reflective (creating insight), and meaningful (addressing deeply personal topics, including the passing of loved ones). The dyad's gender composition did not significantly moderate these effects. Our research suggests that reciprocal self-disclosure can make children feel more loved in the moment, uncovers linguistic signatures of reciprocal self-disclosure, and offers developmental scientists a tool to examine causal effects of reciprocal self-disclosure in parent-child dyads. Future work should examine long-term effects in everyday parent-child interactions.

Research Highlights

• How can parents make children feel more loved by them in the moment? We theorize that these feelings can be cultivated through reciprocal self-disclosure.
• In a proof-of-concept experiment, we examined effects of reciprocal self-disclosure versus small talk in 218 parent-child dyads, with children aged 8−13.
• Self-disclosure (vs. small talk) made children feel more loved during the conversation. Linguistically, self-disclosure instigated conversations that were more emotionally charged, social, reflective, and meaningful.
• This research provides an experimental method to study self-disclosure in parent-child dyads and suggests that self-disclosure can make children feel more loved in the moment.