“My representation is performative”: Black Women's Reflection of Academia Through Collaborative Autoethnographic Poetic Inquiry

In the midst of Covid-19 and increased anti-Black racial violence, Black women faculty continue to search for a sense of wholeness in academic institutions founded upon seemingly well-intentioned ideologies of justice and belonging. Grounded in endarkened feminist epistemology, this collaborative autoethnographic poetic inquiry explores how two Black women early career scholars navigated their first years as faculty during dual pandemics and situate their experiences in the context of other Black women in the academy. Through sister talks and found lyric poetry, they illuminate four distinct yet interrelated themes within their conversations: (1) the difference between performance and authenticity; (2) the evasiveness of belonging; (3) exploitation and tokenization; and (4) institutional policing of their narratives. Institutional recommendations are discussed to support the retention of early-career Black women faculty pursuing holistic, authentic academic homeplaces that honor their endarkened intellectual, emotional, and spiritual identities.