‘Like a wall coming down’: Experiencing homosexuality as Mormon returned missionaries

This study attempted to explore the ‘coming out’ experiences of gay men affiliated with the Latter-day Saints (LDS or Mormon) Church, and who once were missionaries for their church. Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) was chosen as the method of data analysis. Three self-identified gay men were interviewed over the telephone and their discourses tape-recorded and transcribed. Five main themes emerged from the data: (1) heterosexuality as ideal; (2) awareness of own sexuality; (3) becoming a Missionary; (4) enduring gay feelings; and (5) embracing a gay lifestyle. Overall, participants experienced early in life the stigma that their church has on homosexuality, and felt failure and despair for sometime after returning from their mission. In the end, they have prioritized their sexuality over religion but are hopeful that the LDS church will one day accept gay people without trying to change their sexuality.