Book Review: The handbook of consensual non-monogamy: Affirming mental health practice

Abstract

In their groundbreaking work, Vaughn and Burnes have developed a vital, compelling guide for psychologists and other mental health practitioners to pursue competent, culturally informed treatment for clients in consensually nonmonogamous (CNM) relationships. Organized into three sections—Foundations, Within-Group Differences, and Specific Applications and Contexts—and encompassing 15 chapters written by skilled scholars and clinicians, the book is replete with accessible language, essential vocabulary, pertinent case examples, and applicable clinical information. We appreciated and applaud the editors’ and authors’ commitment to cultural humility and intersectionality throughout the book, including acknowledging that most research with CNM people problematically overrepresents White, middle-class, nondisabled, and cisgender individuals. There is a rich breadth of information throughout the chapters, with particularly sustained focus on emotion, minority stress theory, attachment theory, and stigma impacting people engaged in CNM relationships, predominantly polyamory, although there are occasional mentions of swinging and relationship anarchy. There is also critical discussion about the role colonialism and settler sexuality has served in creating and perpetuating mononormativity and heteronormativity. We also found the inclusion of chapters on creating CNM-affirming graduate training programs and agencies particular strengths, especially with their accompanying appendices with suggestions for best practices, websites, social media groups, and professional organizations. The editors allotted chapters focused on CNM in diverse communities, including family and children, disabled people, LGBQ folks, and those marginalized by class. There was likewise important consideration given to clinicians who identify as CNM. In several chapters where there is particular attention paid to the lack of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) representation in the literature on CNM individuals, we had hoped to see further exploration on the factors that influence this gap in the research. Parents and family members are primary agents of sexual socialization, and for people of color, these attitudes and values are ingrained in sexual messages that could make BIPOC less willing to participate in sexuality-based research (Leath et al., 2020). The authors emphasized the tokenism and exclusion of BIPOC individuals within CNM spaces and posited guidelines for clinicians that necessitated a need for cultural humility in practice. Although the editors noted the tendency for CNM to be depicted as being practiced among privileged people, case examples were rich in representing racially, gender, and sexually diverse CNM people In their last chapter, largely as an acknowledgment of the limitations in the book, the editors include some discussion about gender. We were surprised, however, not to have found more consistent attention to issues of gender as intrinsically formative to CNM, particularly framed as a feminist reaction against mononormativity. We likewise had hoped to see more exploration of other relevant theoretical models for framing and understanding CNM. Relational cultural theory (RCT; Jordan, 2018) seemed a curious omission, notably in consideration of the five good things, one of which is a desire for more connection when an initial connection proves rewarding. Another is zest, congruent with New Relationship Energy. At its core, RCT is concerned with the role of power, privilege, culture, and relationships; accordingly, not seeing it cited and applied was a conspicuous oversight. As a final critique, although there was ample attention to mononormativity and heteronormativity, there was scant mention of pronatalism and its persistent impact on pressures people experience to have children, a dynamic that assuredly intersects meaningfully with the other systems the authors explored. In short, we were excited to read this handbook, knowing what a critical gap it fills in the clinical literature. We hope that future editions will represent the perspectives and experiences of even more people who pursue relationship variations in all their novelty, joy, and meaning.