Gratitude That Never Was: Migration, Labour and Discontent in Au Pair Experiences

Abstract

Conceptions of the ‘ideal immigrant’ as not only compliant but also grateful have long shaped US immigration discourse and material realities. Young immigrant women engaged in service and care work frequently report encountering expectations that they should feel grateful for the opportunities provided by their employers. In this study, I examine the narrated lived experiences of Turkish au pairs, young women on temporary work visas providing child care in U.S. households, with particular attention to how their discontent builds up from the point of hiring through the decision to quit, and the role that perceived expectations of gratitude from the host families play in this process. I employ a qualitative research design drawing on publicly available YouTube videos created by Turkish au pairs since 2020, as well as on in-depth conversations with a former au pair conducted between 2023 and 2024. Engaging the literature at the intersection of labour, immigration and affect, I use narrative analysis to unpack how resentment emerges at the nexus of blurred work-life boundaries, undercompensated labour, and social isolation. These tensions become increasingly unmanageable when au pairs realise that their host families, implicitly or explicitly, expect gratitude as part of the labour relationship. Subtle or explicit refusals to perform gratitude by au pairs destabilize labour arrangements and relationships built on unequal foundations and complicate Global North–South encounters, particularly in the context of post-2015 Turkish youth migration to the United States. In this context, Turkish au pairs seek to understand themselves as participants in cultural exchange, a distinction that is frequently, and perhaps strategically, overlooked by host families. This research advances understandings of the affective dimensions of migration by illuminating how emotional labour expectations intersect with gender, culture, age, economic precarity and centre–periphery relations in transnational care work.