Loving in Secret, Grieving in Silence: Emotion-Focused Therapy With the Other Woman After an Affair in a Japanese Cultural Context.

Abstract

Although extensive literature exists on supporting couples after an affair, there is a notable lack of clinical focus on working with the other woman-a figure often viewed as a moral transgressor and subjected to social stigma. Despite this marginalization, her experience is frequently marked by secrecy, emotional ambivalence, and a mix of profound pleasure, guilt, and shame. This paper presents a case study of individual therapy with a Japanese woman in her late 30 s, struggling with the unresolved emotional aftermath of a 5-year affair that had ended more than 7 years earlier. Early sessions revealed significant unfinished emotional business with her ex-boyfriend, who left her shortly after his wife gave birth, a relationship she had entered unaware of his marital status. The therapy focused on helping the client process the complex emotional residue of this relationship, which had affected nearly every aspect of her life. Drawing on an affect-focused integrative approach that combined Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), the therapist supported the client in processing both the pleasurable and painful aspects of the affair. These had remained unspoken due to the absence of a safe space for expression. Within the safety of the therapeutic relationship, she was able to articulate long-suppressed needs, reclaim her sense of self-worth, and regain agency. The case also explores the cultural and gendered dimensions of infidelity within the Japanese context and reflects on implications for affect-focused clinical practice with clients experiencing stigma or struggling with morally complex personal issues.