"I am ashamed that I exist. I feel like apologizing for existing": The phenomenology of shame in patients with borderline personality disorder: A qualitative study.

Abstract

Shame is an essential affect in many patients with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and can be associated with most of the BPD diagnostic criteria. Severe shame is a highly aversive emotion with concomitant beliefs about the self as deeply inferior, insignificant, disgusting, and unloved. Shame and how it is manifested in the subjective experience and behavior in people diagnosed with BPD is remarkably under-researched, and our knowledge of the phenomenology of shame in BPD needs to be improved. Severe shame is often less accessible and available to conscious awareness, making it difficult to access via questionnaires and self-report measures. Therefore, this study is based on semi-structured interviews with 21 women Structural clinical interview for DSM-5 disorders' diagnosed with BPD. All interviews were analyzed using the interpretive phenomenological approach. Based on the analysis, the participants' descriptions of how severe shame manifests itself in their subjective experience and behavior are classified into 10 themes: the self is deeply flawed and unlovable; self-hatred/self-contempt; eye contact is awkward and shameful; shameful over being mentally ill; shameful identity diffusion; hiding behind façade/social roles; pleasing others/performing to avoid shame; self-destructive behavior to mitigate shame; sex associated with shame; and shame during the therapy session. (PsycInfo Database Record (c) 2024 APA, all rights reserved).