Feeling known predicts relationship satisfaction

Abstract

Two forms of subjective relationship knowledge—the belief that one is known and knows one's partner—have separately been shown to positively predict relationship satisfaction, but which is more important for relational wellbeing? Seven studies show that believing one is known by their partner (i.e., “feeling known”) predicts relationship satisfaction more than believing that one knows their partner (i.e., “felt knowing”). In Studies 1a-c, feeling known predicted relationship satisfaction more than felt knowing among family, romantic partners, and friends. Feeling known also causally influenced expected relationship satisfaction more than felt knowing in Studies 2a-b. Study 3 suggests a potential reason why feeling known is more closely associated with relationship satisfaction – because people value receiving support in their relationships. Finally, the desire to feel known may lead people to “undersell” themselves to potential partners. In Study 4, when people wrote dating profiles to attract potential romantic partners, they more strongly expressed their desire to be known than to know their potential future partner. Yet, readers of these profiles were more attracted to those who professed interest in knowing them. Overall, this research suggests that feeling known is an important ingredient in the recipe for relationship joy.