A Spring in the Desert: Infertility and Merciful Accompaniment.

Abstract

The mystery of love as it unfolds in marriage is an adventure filled with wonder and anticipation for what the future holds. Such is the excitement and optimism of the couple embarking on family life by actively trying to conceive a child. For the couple struggling with infertility, however, joyful anticipation can soon devolve into anguish as they realize that their hoped-for children might not come. Though the pain of infertility is a shared experience in marriage, it is to the woman that evaluation, testing, and treatment is often directed. She may experience infertility as an assault on her feminine identity, her marriage, and her faith, leaving her vulnerable to reliance on scientific and technological solutions as the only relief for her pain. This turn toward science, if not integrated into the larger framework of overall health and well-being, has the danger of making the natural, good desire for a child into a quest to achieve a single-minded goal. When the child becomes a "goal," husband, wife, and potential offspring become (unintentionally) objectified, and the woman's identity and the future of her marriage rest precariously on the shoulders of an ideal. It is within the context of the authors' lived experience of infertility, as well as hundreds of encounters with women in the Springs in the Desert community, that the authors contend that it is necessary to integrate the pain of infertility into a framework of merciful accompaniment. Pastors, physicians, and Fertility Care Providers are all uniquely well-placed to offer support and encouragement that affirm the intrinsic dignity of the wife and her husband, and the truth of their marriage as a witness to Christ in the world. When they meet the woman amidst her pain and longing, they can help her to understand infertility as a circumstance and not her identity. When the pain of infertility is seen and acknowledged, the medical and pastoral care she receives can positively impact her overall health and wellbeing, help her to turn to her husband, and ultimately encourage her to find God in the midst of the struggle.