Searching for Authority

incapable of taking any strong position on this basic moral issue. We considered marriage indissoluble. We recognized the Pope as the earthly head of the Church; indeed we soon found events in the Catholic Church more relevant than events in Methodism. We now had no doubt that Christ is truly present in the Eucharist in the Catholic Church, but I knew it wasn’t the same thing in Protestantism (indeed for a period I found it difficult presiding at Communion in my church; I felt I was pretending). To Pat and me it now seemed essential that we belong to a church that was really founded on religious belief, and wasn’t afraid to teach it. When the Catechism of the Catholic Church appeared in 1993, we thought, "Wouldn’t it be great to belong to a church that can teach the truth like that!" It would take a while, however, for near the beginning of this time of change, more change happened. I was sent to another Methodist church in July of 1993 and we were expecting our third child. I had to support my family and in any event I knew I needed clearer convictions than I had at that point. But I also knew that I would never find the solidity or consistency of belief in Methodism that I wanted. There were also doctrinal issues that needed to be resolved: the Virgin Mary was the most difficult, but there were others. At the heart of them all was the infallibility of the Church, for if the Catholic Church was really what it believed itself to be, then its teachings had to be true. I had to learn to subordinate the sovereignty of my judgement to the voice of Christ in the Church. I investigated all these things but as long as I was in the ministry I didn’t feel that I could do more. Pat had more freedom and with my encouragement (for spiritually she was left high and dry, and I would have urged any parishioner to go where her faith led her) she went to a wise and sympathetic priest, Fr. Joseph, for instruction. For Pat, it was like water in a thirsty land. Within months she had no doubts at all. I was delighted; she would be there to welcome me into the Catholic fold herself. In December of 1995 she became a Catholic. Our daughter Lisa received her First Communion the next fall. I knew I couldn’t stay in the Methodist church forever; my beliefs wouldn’t allow it. I was feeling the strain of not being able to act on my beliefs. By now I had found others in the same path. Jeff, another Methodist minister whom I hadn’t seen in years, heard of my interest in Catholicism from a Presbyterian pastor we both knew. "I hear you’re thinking of swimming the Tiber," he said when he called, and we began meeting for lunch. Jeff was even closer to conversion than I was, and became Catholic in the summer of 1995. I found encouragement in meeting others who had converted, and in cradle Catholics. Brian, the local Baptist minister and his wife Phylis, had become good friends of ours. Phylis became Catholic shortly before Pat. Then Brian did. People in town were getting suspicious. In March of 1996 I attended a Catholic men’s retreat at Arnold Hall in Massachusetts, where I realized that nothing further needed to happen before I could convert. I fully believed the Catholic faith already. I didn’t need any clearer light than I had—indeed, it couldn’t be clearer. With another baby due in July, a conversion, career change (to what, I didn’t know), and relocation were not an option that summer; but I knew I couldn’t delay much longer. In the meantime Fr. Joseph introduced me to his friend Monsignor James McGovern, who was seeking someone to work in adult education, Confirmation training, visitation, and various other responsibilities at the Church of Our Lady of Good Counsel in Moorestown, New Jersey. Pat and I discussed this possibility and reached an agreement: in June of 1997 I delivered the last sermon from my pulpit. A month later, when Bishop John M. Smith of Trenton, a successor of the apostles, received me into the Catholic Church, I became fully united to the only church that I believed could teach with complete authority. To this day, ten months later, in the voice of the Church I (still) hear the voice of Her Lord.