Understanding “Bao Xi Bu Bao You” in the Sharing of Emotion-Associated Personal Events in Chinese Families from the Perspective of Adult Children

Abstract:“Bao Xi Bu Bao You” is a Chinese saying that means sharing information associated with positive emotions and withholding information associated with sadness or concern. This paper explores the decision-making practices of Chinese adults related to Bao Xi Bu Bao You in their sharing of current emotion-associated personal events with their parents. Based on semistructured interviews with thirty-two participants, the study illuminates the complexities of child-to-parent Bao Xi Bu Bao You activities by illustrating how they are shaped by decision-making processes that juggle several elements: expectations of reaction alignment/misalignment, utility, care, risk of boundary turbulence, and degree of seriousness/significance. Because the emotional quality of Xi (positive events) and You (sad/concerning events) are different, the elements are framed and approached in slightly different ways for decisions to share Xi and to withhold You, with some elements being particularly salient in certain contexts. Children balance self-oriented and parent-oriented considerations in decision making and actively adjust their personal events into “better-shared” or “better-avoided” Xi and You across time. Care, modesty, and Taoist dialectical passive-active transformations emerged as notable Chinese cultural elements that inform Bao Xi Bu Bao You and shed light on the rich cultural meanings attached to such practices.