Loss and revival of visual identity: Inner work with clothing

Lockdown during the COVID-19 pandemic meant an adieu to formal wear. ‘Oh no! How to be me?’ ‐ I panicked, facing an identity crisis, as suits that visually defined me were irrelevant. I allowed clothes to lead the way through the crisis and here present a qualitative research, based on self-ethnography of wardrobe and inner, psychological work with clothing as per guidelines of processwork psychology, involving two ways of thinking: logical and experiential. The objects of the research are formal suits (defining pre-pandemic, ‘normal’ visual identity), sweatpants (a threat to the identity) and overalls (the lockdown outfit). Logical work uses interpretation, association, memory, intellectual understanding of individual, cultural and social perception of clothing and body. Experiential work notices body responses, examines posture, movement and sensory experiences, explores visual images, shapes, colours, textures, details and their appeal. The loss is approached as a death of a certain part of self (formal, official, busy), which gives way to a new, emerging way of being, as specific features of clothes provide a hint of continuity and a link to revival. Dissection of judgement (e.g. lazy) gives access to transformative qualities (idle, effortless). Integration of these qualities means making the unknown known and finally my own. The article remarks on changes in dressing practice, e.g. in styling, care, which reflect the transformative lockdown experience and their impact on social interactions.