Transforming Seven Kinds of Relational Pain

Bringforthist therapy extends the systemic practices of Interventive Interviewing and applies the relational focus of the IPscope. We elaborate upon these frameworks, highlighting their sensitivity to locally shaped needs of family members through the notions of relational preferences and relational pain. Relational preferences refer to family members' normative expectations about their relationships (relationship “shoulds”), while relational pain refers to family members' experiences of unfulfilled hopes vis-à-vis their culturally situated relational preferences (relationship “can'ts”). We distinguish seven variations of unrealized preferences, which are aggravated by differing pathologizing patterns of interpersonal interaction. We label these as seven “M's” of relational pain: Misjudging, Misaligning, Misrecognizing, Misappropriating, Mistreating, Mistrusting, and Misgrieving. We discuss each of these in relation to seven corresponding “R's” that could bring forth relational healing, namely Reappraising, Realigning, Recognizing, Reappropriating, Revealing, Reconciling, and Re-membering. In addition, we outline prototypical interaction patterns to illustrate how these different forms of pain might be addressed.