Navigating the Dialogic Tensions and Self-Contradictions as a Bilingual Researcher

This autoethnography delineates how, I, as a bilingual researcher proficient in Korean and English, negotiated the tensions between conforming to English-only academic writing norms for survival in academia and embracing translingual writing practices during the composition of my dissertation. Based on the salient themes and repeating experiences that I penned in analytic memos, field notes and diaries, I meticulously rearranged the thoughts and emotions, weaving them into stream-of-consciousness-style narratives. Through this method, I aimed to vividly portray the inevitable tensions that might be experienced by numerous bilingual researchers speaking English as a second language. This autoethnography particularly portrays the troubles of conveying intricate cultural nuances when translating my research partners’ Korean responses into English. Also, I detail the process of how I negotiated the dilemmas between artistic translingual writing and writing solely in English for a broader readership. Such detailing processes eventually prompted me to contemplate whether I truly embodied the transformative linguistic practices that I kept advocating for in my research projects. This autoethnography, although entailing vulnerability, ultimately underscores the significance of practicing self-reflexivity through crafting authentic and vivid narratives.