Autopsy Poetry

The deaths of Marcus and Noel—childhood friends of the author—is the point of departure for this essay. The author uses the concept of an autopsy—both the actual autopsies performed on her friends after their deaths and an autopsy as a metaphor for dismantling the author’s own memories of her two dead friends. The aim of the essay is to show rather than tell how self-identity and memory become reshaped through the experience of loss. It is empirically based on ethnographic interviews with friends and relatives of Marcus and Noel and on autoethnographic field notes. The idea of autopsy records as being rather poetic has inspired a method of writing in which creativity interacts with empirical descriptions. The knowledge engendered by the experience of loss and grief in this autoethnographic project has altered the previous beliefs and memories of the author and added layers of sorrow, aggression, and misery. The knowledge the author now possesses has changed her perceptions of the past. The essay could be read as if it were an autopsy of the author’s own life, experiences, relationships, and emotions. It contributes to the knowledge on death, grief, and friendship by evoking reflection in its readers about their own lives, experiences, emotions, and relationships. The two dead friends depicted in the essay were people who now live in the memories of the friends and relatives they left behind. This common human experience transcends the individual subjects who were the author’s friends.