Coveting

The winter dusk was fading, and I could see snow falling in the halos of the courtyard lamps through the sliding glass door as I walked into the apartment. I set my suitcase down, and sat on die couch in the dark, looking at outlines of posters on the opposite wall. I was tired. It was the Friday before classes started again and I had just gotten back from a two-day trip with my modier to Evanston to see her sister. It had been a five-hour drive home. The light on die answering machine was blinking. Brian had left a message. Alexis, sorry Ididn't call sooner. Your dad saidyou were out oftown 'til today. I'll try and call hter. Brian was a friend of mine from high school. He was tall, with a soft, warm handshake and liquid movements that washed over his body eroding the sharpness of his masculinity. He had shy hands, hands practiced in prayer, never reaching out to make casual contact with the skin on my arms, or touch my back, or grab my shoulders to give awkward aggressive massages. Though sometimes, in the past, I had wished they would have. He went to Pinedale Bible College in Indiana, and he usually called to ask me to breakfast when he came home. It was a tradition we had started our senior year in high school when he was die president and I was the vice president of the honors society. We met for breakfast every other Saturday dien. A middle-aged man, a member of Brian's church, owned the restaurant we went to, and most of the patrons were elderly couples. He always knew dieir names, and would ask them about their weeks. I would stand next to him smiling. When we went to our table Brian would always help me take offmy coat, and pull out the chair, and I felt like we were one of those old couples in the restaurant. It felt nice. Normally, on Christmas break, he called inbetween Christmas day and NewYear's Day; I felt slightly disappointed when I left with my mom on the second for Evanston. But diere was die message on the machine. It surprised me how good I felt when I heard his voice. I pushed the button again. Alexis, sorry I didn't call sooner. Your dad saidyou were out oftown 'til today. I'll try and call hter.