What Is Envy?

You are four, and you really really want a big red heart-shaped lollipop. You have been staring at it for days in the candy store window. And then, today, here it is, in the hands of your classmate, who’s, of course, gloating about it. You are so mad, so upset, and there’s this unpleasant ache, deep down in your tummy. “NO fair!” you think. Can you really be blamed when you feel a deep satisfaction at the sight of the lollipop slipping from your friend’s little hands and falling on the dirty ground? You have grown up now, and you think back to the lollipop episode with a mixture of amusement and shame. And yet, as you retell the story to your best friend, you cannot help but notice that today they look so good, with their new fashionable haircut. Your best friend is one of the coolest people at your high school, and you are – not. That sinking feeling in your belly resurfaces. You repress a little sigh, and go on chatting, casually dropping a: “Hey, I saw Rainier making out with Sam in the cafeteria the other day. I thought you two were getting serious?” By the time you are a first-year student in college you and your best friend from high school have grown apart. You are focused on studying and are working hard to get a scholarship. When you discover the one you had applied for has been given to your roommate, you are heartbroken. You are happy for them too, since they are nice and you respect them. You are not an insecure teenager anymore, and you know they won fair and square. But there’s this gnawing awareness that they are always a little better than you. So, you wish them all the best, and move out. You have become a college professor. You have spent years studying hard, looking up to people like your roommate. You applied for more scholarships, and won some of them. You got lucky, too, and landed a good job at a university near your hometown. You decide to go to your high school reunion. You are happy to see your long-lost friend, who’s coming to hug you. They are sporting a smart suit, looking great. You feel a familiar pang. But you have learned to use that feeling more