'After Months of It, You Just Want to Punch Someone in the Face': Stay-at-Home Fathers and Masculine Identities

Abstract

"I bundle up Moira and KateAnd take them to ballet which is greatAnd I sit and read a book in the hallAnd mothers do not talk to me at all.They sit down at their end and I at mineAnd they glance my way from time to timeAnd those little glances really hurt."-- "The Only Living House Dad in Eau Claire" by Garrison KeillorAs depicted in this song by Garrison Keillor, stay-at-home fathers are relatively uncommon despite an increased presence in mainstream TV shows like NBC's Parenthood or ABC's Up All Night and in TV commercials. Current estimates from the U.S. Census show stay-at-home fathers to number around 190,000 (U.S. Census, 2013). This is a substantial increase from 2002 when such dads were close to 100,000 (Fields, 2003). The rise in their numbers is perhaps a reflection of the changing expectations of fathers.Fathers, like mothers, have experienced shifts in their role in the last 40 years. Whereas economic provision and breadwinning has comprised a significant part of fathering in the past, current models of fathering encourage more hands-on involvement (Lamb, 2000; Pleck & Pleck, 1997). Such "involved fathering" entails taking responsibility for daily caregiving activities and being engaged and attentive to children's needs. Fathers are more likely to be involved with and responsible for childcare if their wives are employed outside the home (Jacobs & Kelley, 2006) and if the fathers themselves are well-educated and middle- to upper class (Marks & Palkovitz, 2004). This expectation of increased involvement creates tension. More men are reporting conflict between work and family, wishing to spend fewer hours at work and more time at home (Aumann, Galinsky, & Matos, 2011). Despite this desire, many fathers do not care for their children an equal amount of time as their wives (Shows & Gerstel, 2009) or reduce their paid work hours (Aumann, Galinsky, & Matos, 2011). This lack of involvement could stem from men's continued identification with the family breadwinner ideal that supports traditional masculinity (Aumann, Galinsky, & Matos, 2011). Investing many hours in childcare (and therefore not in paid work) contradicts the traditional ideal of fatherhood and tenents of traditional masculinity. Stay-at-home fathers represent one type of involved father, but research about their experiences is scarce, particularly in the United States. I address the following questions in my exploratory study of 32 stay-at-home fathers from locations across the United States: What are the gender-related challenges these men face because of their family behaviors? How do stay-at-home fathers respond to these challenges? In my study, I demonstrate that stay-at-home fathers challenge hegemonic masculinity when faced with resistance to their caregiving and, in doing so, create a new masculine ideal: "evolved masculinity." Research about Stay-at-Home Fathers Much research about stay-at-home fathers has been conducted in other countries (Doucet, 2004, 2006, 2009; Merla, 2008; Wall et. al., 2007). Research on stay-at-home fathers in the United States has examined the psychological aspects of this role (Rochlen, McKelley, Suizzo, & Scaringi, 2008; Rochlen, Suizzo, McKelley, & Scaringi, 2008; Rochlen, McKelley, & Whittaker, 2010), with little attention being given to the sociological aspects (Chesley, 2011). It appears that there are two major factors that facilitate men's transition into the roles of stay-at-home parents. One, families believe one parent should be the full-time primary caregiver for their children (Chesley, 2011; Doucet, 2006; Solomon, 2014; Wall et. al., 2007). Two, men experience either personal job transitions or changes with their wives' jobs (Chesley, 2011; Solomon, 2014). Within the context of a society that expects more hands-on involvement, these two factors push men toward home.Once staying at home, some men experience disapproval from others for not working for pay (Doucet, 2006; Doucet & Merla, 2007) as well as exclusion from playgroups (Merla, 2008). …