The Queerness of Touch: Mutual Recognition and Deep Intimacy in Moonlight

Abstract

Copyright © 2022 The Author(s). Marlon M. Bailey, “The Queerness of Touch: Mutual Recognition and Deep Intimacy in Moonlight,” QED: A Journal in GLBTQ Worldmaking 9, no. 1 (2022): 59–66. ISSN 2327-1574. All rights reserved. DeShawn and I were best friends throughout our middleschool years. We talked on the phone almost every single day. Often, I would sneakily call him after I was supposed to be in bed, and we would talk all night or until both of us fell asleep on the phone. DeShawn and I walked to and from school together every day. Because his house was on the way to Beaubien Junior High School on the Northwest side of Detroit, when we walked home from school I would usually stop by his house and hang out with him before I continued home. While hanging out, DeShawn would often lean on me and place his chin on the top of my head. Looking back on those moments, I realize that we would find a variety of creative ways to touch each other in sensual and sometimes erotic ways. I remember that once while we walked home on a cold snowy afternoon, my ski cap kept falling over my eyes. As Deshawn lifted the cap above my eyes, he looked at me and said, “You are so cute.” I have never forgotten that moment. Although I knew I liked guys, I never felt sexually attracted to DeShawn. Once in gym class when it was time for everyone to shower, I waited until he was out of the shower before I went in because I didn’t want us to see each other naked; I was not ready for that kind of mutual recognition. I don’t know if he had sexual feelings for me, but I don’t believe he was ever into guys, even if he was into me. F O R U M