And the dance goes on … an account of an infant observation during which the observer herself became pregnant

Abstract

ABSTRACT The paper is an account of an infant observation cut short because the observer herself became pregnant. The author describes a deep, but fluctuating anxiety present in the infant's mother, both initially, then with a recurrence during weaning. The infant's reaction to periods of maternal misattunement is explored with reference to Daniel Stern's concept of the ‘dance’ between mother and infant. The importance of both maternal sensitivity and perseverance, and the baby's resilience is considered; over time the ‘dance’ between mother and infant could evolve and become better attuned. The probable containing function of the observation is also recognised. The effects of the observer's pregnancy on the process are discussed, illustrating both mother's and baby's response to the news, which meant the observation was cut short. The author considers her countertransference in relation to picking up projections of mother's anxiety about being a new mother. Feeding is of central importance in containing mother's own anxiety, and weaning therefore becomes a focus of increased anxiety. The paper also highlights the tension placed on the observing role, particularly the difficulties encountered in maintaining empathic neutrality in the circumstances. References to other articles on the subject are included.