Difficult: mothering challenging adult children through conflict and change

Abstract

Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change by Judith Smith is a nonfiction self-help guide directed at older mothers who find themselves providing long-term support for their difficult adult children, the latter usually struggling with substance abuse, serious mental illness, and/or employment and financial problems. However, the book also has limbs in the genres of academic research and social issues. It is based on an empirical qualitative study undertaken by the author while a PhD researcher at Fordham University. Her methodology is detailed in Appendix B, with collected data resulting in the profiles of thirty-five older mother/difficult adult child relationships scattered throughout the book that serve to underlie its premise and conclusions. The data also demonstrate how frequently these same older mothers are mistreated by their adult children, in so doing evidencing various forms of and risk factors for elder abuse occurrence. Indeed, half of the women profiled were referred by agencies offering services to elder abuse victims, although none of the mothers identified themselves as such. Finally, Difficult has branches in clinical social work practice and feminism, reflecting Smith’s professional background and philosophical leanings respectively. These also inform the interventions she proposes for consideration by older mothers in Part III on “Helping Yourselves,” as these mothers search for ways to deal with the conflict and mistreatment inflicted by dependent adult children. It is easy to understand why Difficult could be a help, even a lifeline, for older mothers struggling with dependent, often abusive, adult children. Its contents are likely to have the effect of making them believe that: