A Hindu wife.

Abstract

I was married on August 4, I9I4. (Mark the date please.) My wife was then about fifteen years of age and I was about twentyfive. She died on March I3, I945. We, therefore, spent about thirty-one years of married life together. According to our custom I had no opportunity of meeting her before our marriage. My father and my two elder brothers selected her for me. A friend of mine, however, accompanied them and I got from him some idea about her appearance. And that was considered enough for me in those days. My mother was not alive then, and the opinion of the other women of the family was, therefore, not seriously sought in the negotiation. We met each other for the first time on the night of our marriage but, strictly speaking, that was a meeting of the "four eyes" only. Though we spent the whole night in the Basar Ghar after the marriage there was no conversation between us. In the presence of the other women in the room (and that is the custom) she felt too shy to talk to me and I felt the same way. Our first meeting, therefore, took place in our house on the third night of the marriage, i.e., on the night of the Ful Sajya. The bride stayed in our family on this occasion for about a week or so, as is the general custom. As a bow (bride) she had to be very cautious about her movements, her conversation with others, and even about her own comforts and conveniences. She was required to wear a veil almost all day. In every respect she was supposed to act according to the instructions of the elder women of the family. And she had not even the freedom to talk to her own people when they visited her, without the sanction of the authorities. She was escorted everywhereeven from one room to another. In a word, a bow has to undergo a "jail" life during this period. And she is considered an ideal bow if she looks up to the "jailer" and obeys her instructions in the minutest details. My wife adapted herself wonderfully, as other brides do, to the new environment and acted as the "most obedient servant" to all-old and young-in the family. And, naturally, she became a favorite with all, especially with my father who, having selected her, took a special pride in such a good-natured bow. I had practically no opportunity of meeting her during the day because, according to the agelong custom, that would have been regarded as shameful behavior both on her part and on mine. I had to wait until about midnight, when she would stealthily come to my room, avoiding the eyes of all then awake. Similarly she had to leave the room very early in the morning, before anybody else was awake. The later a bow retires and the earlier she rises and comes out of her bedroom, the higher will be her reputation. Considering her age, she was a fully developed girl with plenty of common sense, humor, and zest. She knew Bengali well and possessed a fair knowledge of the world about her. She was familiar with all the household work of a Bengali Hindu family, and with music too. But music was not then regarded as an accomplishment for a girl. She, therefore, concealed this accomplishment from those who did not like it. Apparently she had obtained a good all-round training from her parents. I had, thetefore, no grounds to regret my father's selection. As I have mentioned, we parted from each other after a week or so and with very great reluctance on both sides. But it could not be avoided; the custom had to be observed. She went away with her parents to the