Co-creating real fictional characters: Virtual ethnofabulation

Q1 Arts and Humanities
Elliott Tilleczek, Wesley Brunson
{"title":"Co-creating real fictional characters: Virtual ethnofabulation","authors":"Elliott Tilleczek,&nbsp;Wesley Brunson","doi":"10.1111/anhu.70022","DOIUrl":null,"url":null,"abstract":"<p>Where do characters come from?</p><p>And where do characters go?</p><p>And why are they here?</p><p>So, there's like this art gallery? You know? And like a person who like…goes? To the gallery? You know?</p><p>Yes, I do know. The person drives there from their two bedroom bungalow in a 2015 Toyota Camry.</p><p>The car needed a jump this morning and their neighbor was happy to oblige; the driver was only slightly embarrassed by the Tim Horton's graveyard in the footwell of the front seat.</p><p>The person jumping the car (the “neighbor”) didn't really know which terminals on the batteries to place the cables' alligator mouths, but it worked out.</p><p>The person's name is Nicholas (not the neighbor, her name is Gertie), and they quite enjoyed their morning drive.</p><p>Nicholas was giving Gertie a ride to the town's only art museum. Gertie was an amateur needleworker and wanted to see some of the textiles. The museum wasn't much, but proportionally to the size of the town, it was quite an institution.</p><p>The oak trees lining the gallery's driveway loomed large and sentinel-esque over the Toyota as it rolled toward the golden art deco front double-doors. Gertie's leg was bouncing in anticipation, and Nicholas felt only a fart bubbling in his stomach.</p><p>Nicholas said, “Art to me always just looks like an accident, like stained linen.”</p><p>Gertie, sensing Nicholas' attitude, stopped him in the main foyer and said: “Two rules of galleries: only go where your interest takes you, and don't force anything.” Gertie gestured to the open gallery. “Take your time, or let your time take you, babe,” she laughed. Nicholas sighed.</p><p>Nick liked Gertie. They had been friends since college when they met in Chess Club. Nick didn't especially like chess either, but he knew that clubs were a good way to make friends. He didn't feel attracted to Gertie, in like a sexual way, but when he saw her doing things she liked or that she was interested in—like her needlework or taming the wild rose bushes in her house's front yard with the semi-dull clippers she had borrowed from him years ago and had never bothered to return or that he had never bothered to ask for back—in those moments, he felt a strong desire to have his attention on her.</p><p>Gertie was similarly sexually dis-attracted to Nicholas, but unlike herself, Nicholas had no real <i>spark</i> moments, no moments of sublime attention or losing himself in a project. Like once she had taken a first-year college class on Religion and Art, and when the professor was lecturing on the ecstasy exhibited in Bernini's <i>The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa</i>, she couldn't pay attention to the words he was saying but only to how his face and upturned body seemed to mirror <i>Saint Teresa's</i> blissed-out look. Gertie studied people for those echoes. But Nicholas was, for the most part (to Gertie's eyes, at least), rather dull. Dull wasn't bad, and Gertie felt safe alongside dull, but where Gertie shined occasionally, Nicholas had only moments of retraction. These did not endear Gertie any further to him but the opposite. Perhaps today, she wondered, perhaps today he might <i>see</i> something.</p><p>Like he had many times before while taking Gertie to the gallery, Nick lay semi-supine on the lone stone gallery bench, as the light filtered onto him from the smudged skylight.</p><p>The acoustics in the gallery were interesting; from where Nick sat, he was able to hear steady yet hushed footfalls, which seemed to bounce up his body and into his ears. He was basking in the normalcy of sitting there, of trees, of quiet gallery sounds, of waiting. He felt another sigh building when something pierced his veil.</p><p>“So, like,” Nick said. “How did you learn to do stuff?” Nick nudged his shoulder toward the gallery room before them.</p><p>Gertie had her hobbies; what she called her <i>interests</i>. Nick didn't have things he was interested in per se, but he did like to sit and feel a distributed sense of himself in all of the things around him. This was a kind of interest too.</p><p>Sometimes Nick wondered if he was just out of tune. Were his ear canals properly connected to his brain? Was his tongue fixed appropriately to his language center? Did his nerves work? He was imagining chewing on the dongle of one of Gertie's hoodies when his voice caught him off guard. <i>I didn't say anything</i>, he thought, while perking his head up. <i>Yes, I must have</i>. Floating from deep in the gallery, he heard his own trademark explication: <i>fuckin goose balls</i>.</p><p>Hearing <i>fuckin goose balls</i> was especially perplexing to him, because it seemed to be emanating from between the threads of the tapestry that Gertie seemed to spend the most time wondering over in the gallery. The tapestry was made by—oh, what did he care. He stood up and walked over to it. He could feel Gertie moving about the gallery space like a Roomba behind him.</p><p>Nicholas experienced something for the first time, then. He didn't just let his eyes hover over the thing before him; he let them drink. He waited; he shifted internally at the discomfort of this new feeling. Was this what people meant by inspiration? By fixation? He had no referent and needed none. He felt uncomfortable yet at peace; the need to look away was hot and the desire to keep looking was chilly. Something inside him stirred.</p><p>“‘Melting Tear’ (oil on canvas) represents the limits of multi-medium textile art and the intricacies of human frailty.”</p><p>Nick's discomfort with art was that he felt like he had to know a lot to enjoy it. There were those stupid cards of typed words on the wall. They said a lot, he knew; Gertie liked to read them. She seemed, to Nick, to spend more time reading the cards than studying the stitch-work she so often lauded over her morning coffee on her lawn when Nick went out to get the morning paper.</p><p>“Why is the car on fire, mommy?” A tot beside Nick asked its mother, tiny neck craning to see the entirety of the tapestry. Nick liked this question. <i>Why</i> is <i>the car on fire?</i> He let his eyes sink a little deeper into the fabric. He saw stitches; he saw the illusion of chrome; he saw green, black, red, purple. He saw flames. <i>What if the fire isn't actually fire?</i></p><p>“The car is on fire, sweetheart, because the artist is trying to—” Nick stopped listening. Without actually touching the threads of the tapestry he could feel the fire, like a carpet burn.</p><p>Nick let his eyes dance with the stitched flames before dropping them, trailing to the bottom of the tapestry. Along the lowermost edge, running from left to right, he followed the succession of broken glass and heard it tinkling. Shards cartwheeled in glittering thread below the scene of rubbery-smelling immolation. He stopped his hand before it brushed the spun glass. He held his left hand with his right and looked to Gertie to make sure she hadn't seen him.</p><p>When he looked at a thing he liked to imagine how Gertie might look at the same thing. Like, there is this tree in his backyard that he would look at for the time it would take his now-dead spaniel to poo. He thought Gertie might examine the texture, how the elevation lines of the bark rose and fell like mountains with rivers cut between them. He never brought Gertie to his backyard; too much dog poo that he never bothered to pick up.</p><p>He imagined Gertie's gaze now: she sees patterns repeated fractally in delicate stitches; she sees the flames from the centrally framed car wreck made of exactly three colors; she sees the saturation of the tapestry ebb as it reaches the edge, the glass the least colorful aspect, yet the overall framing device. He thought that Gertie might feel a stir of jealousy: <i>am I good enough to make this?</i> He thought that Gertie might dislike it: <i>it's a little heavy handed, no?</i> He thought that Gertie might bend over to recite the details on the small artist statement card, pinned beneath the right-hand side of the tapestry.</p><p>“Do you think the car killed the person, or the other way around?” Gertie whispered softly into his ears. With a start, Nick realized he missed the broken body lying beside the burning car. He felt slow. How dare Gertie jump the gun like that, for all she knew he was still taking it all in. And on the heels of that, he now felt distrustful of the artist. <i>How</i> schlocky; <i>a dead body beside a burning car</i>? The humiliation cut deeper into him; the glass no longer pricked him. Nick got hotter.</p><p>Nick grunted at Gertie's question. She often asked questions she wouldn't expect him to answer. Gertie had curly hair. He thought it was funny how perfectly her hair was curled each time he saw her, as if her interest in woven fabric was somehow connected to the way her hair fell.</p><p>“Are you ready to go?” She asked the wall.</p><p>“Only if you're ready to test out this scene,” Nick replied to the wall. He elbowed Gertie and mimed a car crash. He forgot that both of her parents had died in a car wreck.</p><p>She gave Nick the look she gave him when he said things like that.</p><p>Nick pulled out his car keys and leaned toward the wall. Gertie moved to touch his shoulder and withdrew. Nick could feel the air from her move around his back. With a glance, he ensured no eyes were on them. He reached to the bottom of the tapestry and, using the sharpest key on his ring, pulled one thread loose. Something unclenched inside him.</p><p>If Gertie had seen the act of vandalism, she didn't say.</p><p>He could hear Gertie walking toward the exit. He stood up, took one last look at the little thread he had coaxed from the others, and followed her out.</p><p>He thumbed the keys. In the parking lot, his Toyota barked to life. The ACDC CD perpetually stuck in the car's CD player spun to life, and as they drove, they were serenaded by “Back in Black.” Gertie waited to hear “Highway to Hell.”</p><p>\n <i>LOCAL NEWSPAPER: BELOVED TOWN MINER FOUND DEAD AT SHAFT BOTTOM; GRANDSON TO INHERIT KARMINE FARMHOUSE</i>\n </p><p>He stained my pants. The pants I bought at the vintage shop near the park I walk around to take breaks from working. The fly is broken, so I hold it up with an old paperclip, my favorite paperclip, patinated and sharp. I found it at the bottom of his tote. Today, he won't look at me, those eyes behind the coffee's steam. I take two steps toward him. In my ambulance, I spill a little coffee on the web between my fore knuckle and thumb. I bend down to look but forget to tell my feet to stop, and when we collide I'm relieved. He smells like my father. He smells like hollyhocks and the dust of a boarded-up house. When I was traveling across the province, I noticed how houses left to time cut neat squares from the surrounding waves of sky and I imagined the lap of his blond curls against the stubbled shore of my jaw.</p><p>My pants are wet. <i>Oh, shit. He′s been talking to me</i>.</p><p>“Don't worry.”</p><p>I think I should laugh; I've been told I come across as distant.</p><p>“I know this is new for you. I know this can't be easy.”</p><p>I inhale deeply and say, “You stained my pants.”</p><p>“You stained <i>my</i> pants,” he says.</p><p><i>Should I invite him in now? Do we sit on the porch and watch the sun roll past noon together?</i> Grandpa would be so ashamed of me, letting the big rooms of his house be forgotten. “Would you like to come in? I have something of yours,” I say.</p><p>“Something of mine?”</p><p>We cross the threshold of the house that now belongs to me (<i>can that even be right?</i>). I slip the paperclip out of the buttonhole of my pants. I don't know why, but as we walk past the living room's doorway—grandpa's furniture covered with drop cloths—I pin the paperclip into the door frame where Grandpa would record my growth on Christmas Day. Just another memory to cover with fresh paint when I sell this place.</p><p>He watches me. I feel his eyes on the side of my face. He doesn't ask any questions, and I'm relieved. He turns me to face him and reaches down to unbutton his own stained jeans. “I never got a chance to tell you, I'm…”.</p><p>I avoid his gaze. Light filters into the hallway through the curtains.</p><p>I resist turning toward him and guide him inside me. I feel the doorframe's height marks on my palms. He breathes “going away” into my ear as he comes. I think: <i>I don't care. I can't live without you</i>.</p><p>I think: <i>Good</i>.</p><p>As I stroke his curls I wonder if he can only stay with me when he feels like he has an out. Maybe in another life we would talk, maybe I would call him my Houdini, something to bring us together.</p><p>We forgot to close the front door, and the fall breeze cools the warmth between my legs.</p><p>I feel the words “I'm sorry” on my neck. Too soft to hear but hard enough to move me. I know he needs to get out. Will I remember how I felt in his arms on the hill beyond the field and rusted-out tractor?</p><p>I work hard for the words to come as if I'm Grandpa mining ore. My semen drops to the puddled pants at my feet.</p><p>“You need to buy a belt.” He reaches in front of me and pulls the paperclip from the wall.</p><p>“Okay,” falls from my mouth like a stone.</p><p>I need his face to be smiling, so I keep it there, in my mind.</p><p>“Do you want me to reheat your coffee?”</p><p>I hear him. I can't reply.</p><p>Ok, so I met him in the field…</p><p>And I've met someone like him before…</p><p>Arnoldo is the place between them….</p><p>Arnoldo would never call any time he ate a picnic. And yet to onlookers, this was exactly how it seemed—a man, a tinfoiled sandwich, a sweater underneath his bottom. The cars zooming by may have been startling to many, given the proximity to the road of where Arnoldo sat, but Arnoldo was too invested in unwrapping and then getting distracted by WhatsApp notifications that were dinging in to notice.</p><p>It went like this for a good 5 minutes: unfold tinfoil corner, crinkle crinkle, WhatsApp notification, ding ding, Arnoldo puts down sandwich, picks up phone, becomes absorbed, picks up sandwich, and before he gets purchase on a corner, ding ding.</p><p>Arnoldo didn't mind: he was just along for the ride. The crew had taken a van from the city. Eight people in all, Arnoldo got along well with most of them. Although at times people seemed to shy away from his more mercurial moments, to Arnoldo this didn't make much sense, but he wasn't one to chase after someone.</p><p>For example, one time he was rolling cigarettes and a stranger came up to him:</p><p>“Hey bud. Can I bum some tobacco?”</p><p>“Buddy! ‘Course, don't you want a hand-rolled instead?”</p><p>“No, man. I can do it, just give me some tobacco—”.</p><p>“Arnoldo! Would you stop dicking around. We're ready to go.”</p><p>As Arnoldo stood up to leave, figuring he'd finish his sandwich in the van, the Mediterranean breeze blew a mixture of gasoline, salt, and coppery dust his way—to Arnoldo, the smell of cocaine on the wind was overpowering. A small sort of <i>flashback</i> hit him.</p><p>Hands and a bag, a bag upside down. Lines on a table and then music, music loud as thunderclaps. Arnoldo opens the patio door, steps out, fresh night air. Taste smoke, nightbird song, a shout. A crash. Lines on a table, the song changes.</p><p>In the back of the van, the others leaned away from Arnoldo. <i>Arnoldo Arnoldo Arnoldo!</i> Arnoldo thought, unwrapping his sandwich completely.</p><p>He nibbled only at the corner. He wasn't eating much these days. Ever since his wife had begun chemo he'd lost his appetite, too. He wondered what she was doing at home, how she was feeling, if she was eating.</p><p>“Arnoldo,” José said from the front of the van. Arnoldo could see José's face in the rearview mirror. “Now when we get there, you'll have to put that snack away so we can get done quick this time.” The rest of the men in the van chuckled. Arnoldo laughed, a little after the men.</p><p>The van pulled into the build site, and Arnoldo re-wrapped the uneaten half of his sandwich, brushing crumbs from his shirt but missing most of them. He looked around jovially, energized by the bustle of men standing, stretching, filing out of the dusty van.</p><p>As one bent slightly to stretch his back, another said, “Back sore from hauling your wife to bed last night?” More communal laughter.</p><p>After a beat, and once most of the men had filed out, Arnoldo offered, “Your wife, she'd be doing all the work. Marta makes good chili.” Arnoldo laughed and looked around; the few men who heard him chuckled softly but with furrowed brows.</p><p>José interjected “Okay, guys, let's get going. Sun's up soon. This site's been clear since August, but maybe the owner hasn't gone on holiday and could be checking in or who knows what, so let's just get this done and hit the road.”</p><p>“My wife says I'm fast but I'm no builder!” Arnoldo winked and studied the way the men reacted. More chuckling, a couple of genuine laughs.</p><p>From the trunk, the men began pulling out crowbars and hammers, iron ringing. Arnoldo handed the largest crowbar to José and took worn leather gloves for himself.</p><p>Arnoldo loved ripping things apart. He loved cracking boards, loved the creaking tension and the snap of wood giving in.</p><p>The first orange of morning shone through the buildings' frames. The men filled the trunk with boards. They carried back the tools on their laps.</p><p>Arnoldo's stomach growled. He held a hand just above his waistline and rubbed, smiling. <i>It's okay, it'll be okay, we're okay</i>.</p><p>As the men worked, Arnoldo sat in the van, nibbling, instructing the men who rolled their eyes.</p><p>Arnoldo watched them roll their eyes. He practiced it himself. He couldn't get the motion fluid enough. He may have looked bizarre. But to Arnoldo, it just felt good to try.</p>","PeriodicalId":53597,"journal":{"name":"Anthropology and Humanism","volume":"50 1","pages":""},"PeriodicalIF":0.0000,"publicationDate":"2025-05-22","publicationTypes":"Journal Article","fieldsOfStudy":null,"isOpenAccess":false,"openAccessPdf":"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/anhu.70022","citationCount":"0","resultStr":null,"platform":"Semanticscholar","paperid":null,"PeriodicalName":"Anthropology and Humanism","FirstCategoryId":"1085","ListUrlMain":"https://anthrosource.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/anhu.70022","RegionNum":0,"RegionCategory":null,"ArticlePicture":[],"TitleCN":null,"AbstractTextCN":null,"PMCID":null,"EPubDate":"","PubModel":"","JCR":"Q1","JCRName":"Arts and Humanities","Score":null,"Total":0}
引用次数: 0

Abstract

Where do characters come from?

And where do characters go?

And why are they here?

So, there's like this art gallery? You know? And like a person who like…goes? To the gallery? You know?

Yes, I do know. The person drives there from their two bedroom bungalow in a 2015 Toyota Camry.

The car needed a jump this morning and their neighbor was happy to oblige; the driver was only slightly embarrassed by the Tim Horton's graveyard in the footwell of the front seat.

The person jumping the car (the “neighbor”) didn't really know which terminals on the batteries to place the cables' alligator mouths, but it worked out.

The person's name is Nicholas (not the neighbor, her name is Gertie), and they quite enjoyed their morning drive.

Nicholas was giving Gertie a ride to the town's only art museum. Gertie was an amateur needleworker and wanted to see some of the textiles. The museum wasn't much, but proportionally to the size of the town, it was quite an institution.

The oak trees lining the gallery's driveway loomed large and sentinel-esque over the Toyota as it rolled toward the golden art deco front double-doors. Gertie's leg was bouncing in anticipation, and Nicholas felt only a fart bubbling in his stomach.

Nicholas said, “Art to me always just looks like an accident, like stained linen.”

Gertie, sensing Nicholas' attitude, stopped him in the main foyer and said: “Two rules of galleries: only go where your interest takes you, and don't force anything.” Gertie gestured to the open gallery. “Take your time, or let your time take you, babe,” she laughed. Nicholas sighed.

Nick liked Gertie. They had been friends since college when they met in Chess Club. Nick didn't especially like chess either, but he knew that clubs were a good way to make friends. He didn't feel attracted to Gertie, in like a sexual way, but when he saw her doing things she liked or that she was interested in—like her needlework or taming the wild rose bushes in her house's front yard with the semi-dull clippers she had borrowed from him years ago and had never bothered to return or that he had never bothered to ask for back—in those moments, he felt a strong desire to have his attention on her.

Gertie was similarly sexually dis-attracted to Nicholas, but unlike herself, Nicholas had no real spark moments, no moments of sublime attention or losing himself in a project. Like once she had taken a first-year college class on Religion and Art, and when the professor was lecturing on the ecstasy exhibited in Bernini's The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, she couldn't pay attention to the words he was saying but only to how his face and upturned body seemed to mirror Saint Teresa's blissed-out look. Gertie studied people for those echoes. But Nicholas was, for the most part (to Gertie's eyes, at least), rather dull. Dull wasn't bad, and Gertie felt safe alongside dull, but where Gertie shined occasionally, Nicholas had only moments of retraction. These did not endear Gertie any further to him but the opposite. Perhaps today, she wondered, perhaps today he might see something.

Like he had many times before while taking Gertie to the gallery, Nick lay semi-supine on the lone stone gallery bench, as the light filtered onto him from the smudged skylight.

The acoustics in the gallery were interesting; from where Nick sat, he was able to hear steady yet hushed footfalls, which seemed to bounce up his body and into his ears. He was basking in the normalcy of sitting there, of trees, of quiet gallery sounds, of waiting. He felt another sigh building when something pierced his veil.

“So, like,” Nick said. “How did you learn to do stuff?” Nick nudged his shoulder toward the gallery room before them.

Gertie had her hobbies; what she called her interests. Nick didn't have things he was interested in per se, but he did like to sit and feel a distributed sense of himself in all of the things around him. This was a kind of interest too.

Sometimes Nick wondered if he was just out of tune. Were his ear canals properly connected to his brain? Was his tongue fixed appropriately to his language center? Did his nerves work? He was imagining chewing on the dongle of one of Gertie's hoodies when his voice caught him off guard. I didn't say anything, he thought, while perking his head up. Yes, I must have. Floating from deep in the gallery, he heard his own trademark explication: fuckin goose balls.

Hearing fuckin goose balls was especially perplexing to him, because it seemed to be emanating from between the threads of the tapestry that Gertie seemed to spend the most time wondering over in the gallery. The tapestry was made by—oh, what did he care. He stood up and walked over to it. He could feel Gertie moving about the gallery space like a Roomba behind him.

Nicholas experienced something for the first time, then. He didn't just let his eyes hover over the thing before him; he let them drink. He waited; he shifted internally at the discomfort of this new feeling. Was this what people meant by inspiration? By fixation? He had no referent and needed none. He felt uncomfortable yet at peace; the need to look away was hot and the desire to keep looking was chilly. Something inside him stirred.

“‘Melting Tear’ (oil on canvas) represents the limits of multi-medium textile art and the intricacies of human frailty.”

Nick's discomfort with art was that he felt like he had to know a lot to enjoy it. There were those stupid cards of typed words on the wall. They said a lot, he knew; Gertie liked to read them. She seemed, to Nick, to spend more time reading the cards than studying the stitch-work she so often lauded over her morning coffee on her lawn when Nick went out to get the morning paper.

“Why is the car on fire, mommy?” A tot beside Nick asked its mother, tiny neck craning to see the entirety of the tapestry. Nick liked this question. Why is the car on fire? He let his eyes sink a little deeper into the fabric. He saw stitches; he saw the illusion of chrome; he saw green, black, red, purple. He saw flames. What if the fire isn't actually fire?

“The car is on fire, sweetheart, because the artist is trying to—” Nick stopped listening. Without actually touching the threads of the tapestry he could feel the fire, like a carpet burn.

Nick let his eyes dance with the stitched flames before dropping them, trailing to the bottom of the tapestry. Along the lowermost edge, running from left to right, he followed the succession of broken glass and heard it tinkling. Shards cartwheeled in glittering thread below the scene of rubbery-smelling immolation. He stopped his hand before it brushed the spun glass. He held his left hand with his right and looked to Gertie to make sure she hadn't seen him.

When he looked at a thing he liked to imagine how Gertie might look at the same thing. Like, there is this tree in his backyard that he would look at for the time it would take his now-dead spaniel to poo. He thought Gertie might examine the texture, how the elevation lines of the bark rose and fell like mountains with rivers cut between them. He never brought Gertie to his backyard; too much dog poo that he never bothered to pick up.

He imagined Gertie's gaze now: she sees patterns repeated fractally in delicate stitches; she sees the flames from the centrally framed car wreck made of exactly three colors; she sees the saturation of the tapestry ebb as it reaches the edge, the glass the least colorful aspect, yet the overall framing device. He thought that Gertie might feel a stir of jealousy: am I good enough to make this? He thought that Gertie might dislike it: it's a little heavy handed, no? He thought that Gertie might bend over to recite the details on the small artist statement card, pinned beneath the right-hand side of the tapestry.

“Do you think the car killed the person, or the other way around?” Gertie whispered softly into his ears. With a start, Nick realized he missed the broken body lying beside the burning car. He felt slow. How dare Gertie jump the gun like that, for all she knew he was still taking it all in. And on the heels of that, he now felt distrustful of the artist. How schlocky; a dead body beside a burning car? The humiliation cut deeper into him; the glass no longer pricked him. Nick got hotter.

Nick grunted at Gertie's question. She often asked questions she wouldn't expect him to answer. Gertie had curly hair. He thought it was funny how perfectly her hair was curled each time he saw her, as if her interest in woven fabric was somehow connected to the way her hair fell.

“Are you ready to go?” She asked the wall.

“Only if you're ready to test out this scene,” Nick replied to the wall. He elbowed Gertie and mimed a car crash. He forgot that both of her parents had died in a car wreck.

She gave Nick the look she gave him when he said things like that.

Nick pulled out his car keys and leaned toward the wall. Gertie moved to touch his shoulder and withdrew. Nick could feel the air from her move around his back. With a glance, he ensured no eyes were on them. He reached to the bottom of the tapestry and, using the sharpest key on his ring, pulled one thread loose. Something unclenched inside him.

If Gertie had seen the act of vandalism, she didn't say.

He could hear Gertie walking toward the exit. He stood up, took one last look at the little thread he had coaxed from the others, and followed her out.

He thumbed the keys. In the parking lot, his Toyota barked to life. The ACDC CD perpetually stuck in the car's CD player spun to life, and as they drove, they were serenaded by “Back in Black.” Gertie waited to hear “Highway to Hell.”

LOCAL NEWSPAPER: BELOVED TOWN MINER FOUND DEAD AT SHAFT BOTTOM; GRANDSON TO INHERIT KARMINE FARMHOUSE

He stained my pants. The pants I bought at the vintage shop near the park I walk around to take breaks from working. The fly is broken, so I hold it up with an old paperclip, my favorite paperclip, patinated and sharp. I found it at the bottom of his tote. Today, he won't look at me, those eyes behind the coffee's steam. I take two steps toward him. In my ambulance, I spill a little coffee on the web between my fore knuckle and thumb. I bend down to look but forget to tell my feet to stop, and when we collide I'm relieved. He smells like my father. He smells like hollyhocks and the dust of a boarded-up house. When I was traveling across the province, I noticed how houses left to time cut neat squares from the surrounding waves of sky and I imagined the lap of his blond curls against the stubbled shore of my jaw.

My pants are wet. Oh, shit. He′s been talking to me.

“Don't worry.”

I think I should laugh; I've been told I come across as distant.

“I know this is new for you. I know this can't be easy.”

I inhale deeply and say, “You stained my pants.”

“You stained my pants,” he says.

Should I invite him in now? Do we sit on the porch and watch the sun roll past noon together? Grandpa would be so ashamed of me, letting the big rooms of his house be forgotten. “Would you like to come in? I have something of yours,” I say.

“Something of mine?”

We cross the threshold of the house that now belongs to me (can that even be right?). I slip the paperclip out of the buttonhole of my pants. I don't know why, but as we walk past the living room's doorway—grandpa's furniture covered with drop cloths—I pin the paperclip into the door frame where Grandpa would record my growth on Christmas Day. Just another memory to cover with fresh paint when I sell this place.

He watches me. I feel his eyes on the side of my face. He doesn't ask any questions, and I'm relieved. He turns me to face him and reaches down to unbutton his own stained jeans. “I never got a chance to tell you, I'm…”.

I avoid his gaze. Light filters into the hallway through the curtains.

I resist turning toward him and guide him inside me. I feel the doorframe's height marks on my palms. He breathes “going away” into my ear as he comes. I think: I don't care. I can't live without you.

I think: Good.

As I stroke his curls I wonder if he can only stay with me when he feels like he has an out. Maybe in another life we would talk, maybe I would call him my Houdini, something to bring us together.

We forgot to close the front door, and the fall breeze cools the warmth between my legs.

I feel the words “I'm sorry” on my neck. Too soft to hear but hard enough to move me. I know he needs to get out. Will I remember how I felt in his arms on the hill beyond the field and rusted-out tractor?

I work hard for the words to come as if I'm Grandpa mining ore. My semen drops to the puddled pants at my feet.

“You need to buy a belt.” He reaches in front of me and pulls the paperclip from the wall.

“Okay,” falls from my mouth like a stone.

I need his face to be smiling, so I keep it there, in my mind.

“Do you want me to reheat your coffee?”

I hear him. I can't reply.

Ok, so I met him in the field…

And I've met someone like him before…

Arnoldo is the place between them….

Arnoldo would never call any time he ate a picnic. And yet to onlookers, this was exactly how it seemed—a man, a tinfoiled sandwich, a sweater underneath his bottom. The cars zooming by may have been startling to many, given the proximity to the road of where Arnoldo sat, but Arnoldo was too invested in unwrapping and then getting distracted by WhatsApp notifications that were dinging in to notice.

It went like this for a good 5 minutes: unfold tinfoil corner, crinkle crinkle, WhatsApp notification, ding ding, Arnoldo puts down sandwich, picks up phone, becomes absorbed, picks up sandwich, and before he gets purchase on a corner, ding ding.

Arnoldo didn't mind: he was just along for the ride. The crew had taken a van from the city. Eight people in all, Arnoldo got along well with most of them. Although at times people seemed to shy away from his more mercurial moments, to Arnoldo this didn't make much sense, but he wasn't one to chase after someone.

For example, one time he was rolling cigarettes and a stranger came up to him:

“Hey bud. Can I bum some tobacco?”

“Buddy! ‘Course, don't you want a hand-rolled instead?”

“No, man. I can do it, just give me some tobacco—”.

“Arnoldo! Would you stop dicking around. We're ready to go.”

As Arnoldo stood up to leave, figuring he'd finish his sandwich in the van, the Mediterranean breeze blew a mixture of gasoline, salt, and coppery dust his way—to Arnoldo, the smell of cocaine on the wind was overpowering. A small sort of flashback hit him.

Hands and a bag, a bag upside down. Lines on a table and then music, music loud as thunderclaps. Arnoldo opens the patio door, steps out, fresh night air. Taste smoke, nightbird song, a shout. A crash. Lines on a table, the song changes.

In the back of the van, the others leaned away from Arnoldo. Arnoldo Arnoldo Arnoldo! Arnoldo thought, unwrapping his sandwich completely.

He nibbled only at the corner. He wasn't eating much these days. Ever since his wife had begun chemo he'd lost his appetite, too. He wondered what she was doing at home, how she was feeling, if she was eating.

“Arnoldo,” José said from the front of the van. Arnoldo could see José's face in the rearview mirror. “Now when we get there, you'll have to put that snack away so we can get done quick this time.” The rest of the men in the van chuckled. Arnoldo laughed, a little after the men.

The van pulled into the build site, and Arnoldo re-wrapped the uneaten half of his sandwich, brushing crumbs from his shirt but missing most of them. He looked around jovially, energized by the bustle of men standing, stretching, filing out of the dusty van.

As one bent slightly to stretch his back, another said, “Back sore from hauling your wife to bed last night?” More communal laughter.

After a beat, and once most of the men had filed out, Arnoldo offered, “Your wife, she'd be doing all the work. Marta makes good chili.” Arnoldo laughed and looked around; the few men who heard him chuckled softly but with furrowed brows.

José interjected “Okay, guys, let's get going. Sun's up soon. This site's been clear since August, but maybe the owner hasn't gone on holiday and could be checking in or who knows what, so let's just get this done and hit the road.”

“My wife says I'm fast but I'm no builder!” Arnoldo winked and studied the way the men reacted. More chuckling, a couple of genuine laughs.

From the trunk, the men began pulling out crowbars and hammers, iron ringing. Arnoldo handed the largest crowbar to José and took worn leather gloves for himself.

Arnoldo loved ripping things apart. He loved cracking boards, loved the creaking tension and the snap of wood giving in.

The first orange of morning shone through the buildings' frames. The men filled the trunk with boards. They carried back the tools on their laps.

Arnoldo's stomach growled. He held a hand just above his waistline and rubbed, smiling. It's okay, it'll be okay, we're okay.

As the men worked, Arnoldo sat in the van, nibbling, instructing the men who rolled their eyes.

Arnoldo watched them roll their eyes. He practiced it himself. He couldn't get the motion fluid enough. He may have looked bizarre. But to Arnoldo, it just felt good to try.

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共同创造真实的虚构人物:虚拟民族制造
人物从何而来?角色去了哪里?他们为什么在这里?那里有个艺术画廊吗?你知道吗?就像一个喜欢…的人?去画廊?你知道吗?是的,我知道。这个人开着一辆2015年的丰田凯美瑞,从他们的两居室平房开车到那里。今天早上那辆车需要加油,他们的邻居很乐意帮忙;司机只是对前座脚井里的蒂姆·霍顿的墓地感到有点尴尬。从车上跳下来的那个人(“邻居”)并不知道应该把电缆的鳄鱼嘴放在电池的哪个端子上,但他做到了。这个人的名字是尼古拉斯(不是邻居,她的名字是格蒂),他们很喜欢早上的开车。尼古拉斯开车送格蒂去镇上唯一的艺术博物馆。格蒂是一名业余针线工,她想看看这些纺织品。这个博物馆不大,但与小镇的规模相比,它是一个相当大的机构。画廊车道两旁的橡树像哨兵一样高大,笼罩着那辆驶向金色装饰艺术前门的丰田汽车。格蒂的腿在期待中跳了起来,尼古拉斯只觉得胃里有个屁在冒泡。尼古拉斯说:“对我来说,艺术总是看起来像一场意外,就像脏了的亚麻布。”格蒂觉察到了尼古拉斯的态度,在大厅里拦住了他,说:“画廊有两条规矩:只去你感兴趣的地方,不要强迫任何东西。”格蒂指了指敞开的走廊。“慢慢来,或者让时间带走你,宝贝,”她笑着说。尼古拉斯叹了口气。尼克喜欢格蒂。他们从大学开始就是朋友,是在象棋俱乐部认识的。尼克也不是特别喜欢下棋,但他知道俱乐部是交朋友的好方法。他对格蒂并没有那种性方面的吸引力,但当他看到她在做她喜欢或感兴趣的事情时——比如她做针线活,或者用她多年前从他那里借来的半钝的剪刀修剪她家前院的野玫瑰丛,这把剪刀从他那里借来,从来没有想过要回来——在那些时刻,他感到一种强烈的欲望,想把他的注意力集中在她身上。格蒂在性方面对尼古拉斯也同样不感兴趣,但与她不同的是,尼古拉斯没有真正的火花时刻,没有崇高的关注时刻,也没有全身心地投入到一个项目中。就像有一次她在大学一年级上宗教与艺术的课,当教授在讲授贝尔尼尼的《圣特蕾莎的狂喜》中所展示的狂喜时,她无法注意到他说的话,而只是注意到他的脸和翘起的身体似乎反映了圣特蕾莎幸福的样子。格蒂为了寻找回声而研究人们。但尼古拉斯,在很大程度上(至少在格蒂看来),相当迟钝。沉闷并不是坏事,格蒂和沉闷在一起感到安全,但格蒂偶尔发光的地方,尼古拉斯只有片刻的退缩。这些话并没有使他更喜欢格蒂,而是相反。也许今天,她想,也许今天他会看到一些东西。就像以前多次带格蒂去画廊时一样,尼克半仰卧在画廊那张孤零零的石凳上,光线从昏暗的天窗照到他身上。画廊里的音响效果很有趣;从尼克坐着的地方,他能听到平稳而安静的脚步声,脚步声似乎从他的身体反弹到他的耳朵里。他沉浸在坐在那里、树木、安静的走廊声音和等待的正常状态中。当什么东西刺穿了他的面纱时,他感到又叹了口气。“所以,就像,”尼克说。“你是怎么学会做事的?”尼克用肩膀轻轻推了推他们前面的画廊。格蒂有她的爱好;她称之为她的兴趣。尼克没有自己感兴趣的东西,但他确实喜欢坐下来,在周围的事物中感受一种分散的自我感。这也是一种兴趣。有时尼克怀疑自己是不是走调了。他的耳道和大脑连接正确吗?他的舌头是否正确地固定在语言中枢?他的神经起作用了吗?他正想象着嚼着格蒂的一件连帽衫上的电子狗,突然他的声音让他措手不及。我什么也没说,他抬起头来想。是的,一定是这样。在画廊深处,他听到了自己标志性的解释:该死的鹅蛋。听到鹅蛋的声音使他特别困惑,因为它似乎是从挂毯的线间发出来的,葛蒂似乎在走廊里花了最多的时间去想它。挂毯是由——哦,他管什么呢。他站起来,走到它跟前。他能感觉到格蒂在画廊里走来走去,就像他身后的Roomba机器人一样。于是,尼古拉斯第一次经历了一些事情。他的目光不仅停留在眼前的事物上;他让他们喝。他等了;这种不舒服的新感觉使他内心不安。 这就是人们所说的灵感吗?固定?他没有参谋,也不需要参谋。他觉得不舒服,但心里很平静;想把目光移开的欲望是火热的,而继续看下去的欲望是冷淡的。他心里有什么东西在动。“‘融化的眼泪’(布面油画)代表了多媒体纺织艺术的极限和人类脆弱的复杂性。”尼克对艺术的不适感在于,他觉得自己必须懂得很多才能享受艺术。墙上挂着一些愚蠢的打字卡片。他们说了很多,他知道;格蒂喜欢读这些书。在尼克看来,她似乎把更多的时间花在读卡片上,而不是研究缝纫上。每当尼克出去拿晨报时,她总是在自家草坪上喝着咖啡,称赞她的针线活。“为什么车着火了,妈妈?”尼克身边的一个孩子问妈妈,他的小脖子伸长了,想看看整个挂毯。尼克喜欢这个问题。汽车为什么着火了?他让他的眼睛在织物里陷得更深一些。他看到缝线;他看到了铬的错觉;他看到了绿色、黑色、红色、紫色。他看到了火焰。如果火不是真的火呢?“车着火了,亲爱的,因为艺术家想——”尼克不再听了。他没有真正接触到挂毯的线,却能感觉到火焰,就像地毯在燃烧一样。尼克让他的眼睛随着缝好的火焰起舞,然后放下了火焰,拖到挂毯的底部。他沿着最下面的边缘,从左到右跑着,跟着一连串的碎玻璃,听到它们丁当作响。在散发着橡胶气味的现场下面,碎片在闪闪发光的线中翻滚。他的手在刷到纺纱玻璃之前停住了。他用右手握住左手,看了看格蒂,确定她没有看见他。当他看着一样东西时,他喜欢想象格蒂会怎么看同样的东西。比如,他的后院有一棵树,他会看着这棵树,直到他那只已经死去的西班牙猎犬拉完粑粑。他想格蒂可以检查一下树皮的纹理,看看树皮的高程线是如何起落的,就像山脉之间有河流穿过一样。他从来不带格蒂到他的后院来;狗屎太多了,他都懒得收拾。他想象着格蒂现在的目光:她看到的图案在精致的针脚里断断续续地重复着;她看到了由三种颜色组成的中间框架的汽车残骸的火焰;她看到挂毯的饱和度下降,因为它到达边缘,玻璃是最不鲜艳的一面,但整体框架装置。他想格蒂也许会有点嫉妒:我有资格做这个吗?他想格蒂可能不喜欢这样,这未免有点过分,不是吗?他想格蒂也许会弯下腰来背诵那张别在挂毯右手边的小艺术家声明卡上的细节。“你认为是车撞死了人,还是车撞死了人?”格蒂在他耳边轻声说。猛然一惊,尼克意识到他错过了躺在燃烧的汽车旁的那具破碎的尸体。他觉得自己行动迟缓。格蒂怎么敢那样操之过急,尽管她知道他还在接受这一切。紧接着,他现在对这位艺术家产生了不信任。如何低劣;一具尸体在燃烧的汽车旁?耻辱深深地刺痛了他;玻璃不再刺痛他了。尼克变得更热了。尼克对格蒂的问题咕哝了一声。她经常问一些她不指望他回答的问题。格蒂有一头卷发。每次见到她,他都觉得很有趣,她的头发卷得如此完美,仿佛她对编织织物的兴趣与她头发垂下来的方式有某种联系。“你准备好走了吗?”她问墙。“除非你准备好测试这个场景,”尼克对着墙回答。他用肘撞格蒂,假装出车祸的样子。他忘了她的父母都死于车祸。她看了尼克一眼,就像他说那样。尼克掏出车钥匙,靠在墙上。格蒂摸了摸他的肩膀,退了出去。尼克能感觉到她身上的空气在他背后移动。他瞥了他们一眼,确保没有人注意到他们。他把手伸到挂毯底部,用戒指上最锋利的钥匙扯掉了一根线。他心里有什么东西松开了。如果格蒂看到了破坏行为,她没有说。他听见格蒂朝出口走去。他站了起来,最后看了一眼他从其他人那里骗来的小线,跟着她走了出去。他拨动钥匙。在停车场,他的丰田汽车轰鸣起来。一直卡在车里的CD机里的ACDC CD转了起来,他们一边开车,一边听着《Back in Black》的小夜曲。格蒂等着听《地狱之路》。当地报纸:心爱的小镇矿工被发现死在井底;他把我的裤子弄脏了。这条裤子是我在公园附近的古董店买的,我在工作之余散步休息。苍蝇坏了,所以我用一个旧的回形针夹住它,我最喜欢的回形针,锈迹斑斑,很锋利。 我在他的手提袋底下找到的。今天,他不会再看我了,那双咖啡蒸汽后面的眼睛。我朝他走了两步。在我的救护车里,我把一点咖啡洒在了我的前指关节和拇指之间的蛛网上。我弯下腰去看,但忘了让我的脚停下来,当我们相撞时,我松了一口气。他闻起来像我父亲。他闻起来像蜀葵和被木板封住的房子里的灰尘。当我在全省各地旅行时,我注意到被时间留下的房屋是如何在周围的天空波浪中划出整齐的正方形,我想象着他的金色卷发的膝盖贴着我的胡茬下巴。我的裤子湿了。哦,狗屎。他一直在跟我说话。“别担心。”我想我应该笑;有人说我给人的印象很疏远。“我知道这对你来说很新鲜。我知道这并不容易。”我深吸一口气,说:“你弄脏了我的裤子。“你弄脏了我的裤子,”他说。我现在应该请他进来吗?我们会坐在门廊上一起看太阳滚过中午吗?爷爷会为我感到羞耻,让他的房子的大房间被遗忘。“你想进来吗?”我有你的东西,”我说。“我的东西?”我们跨过了现在属于我的房子的门槛(这是对的吗?)我把回形针从裤子的钮扣孔里抽出来。我不知道为什么,当我们走过客厅门口时——爷爷的家具上铺满了布——我把回形针别在门框上,圣诞节爷爷会在那里记录我的成长。等我把这地方卖了,又要重新粉刷一遍。他看着我。我感觉到他的眼睛盯着我的脸。他什么问题都不问,我就放心了。他让我转过身来面对他,伸手解开他自己脏兮兮的牛仔裤的扣子。“我一直没有机会告诉你,我是……”我避开他的目光。光线透过窗帘照进走廊。我拒绝转向他,引导他进入我的内心。我感觉到门框的高度印在我的手掌上。他来的时候对着我的耳朵说“走开”。我想:我不在乎。没有你我活不下去。我认为:很好。当我抚摸他的卷发时,我想知道他是否只有在他觉得有出路的时候才会和我在一起。也许在另一种生活中我们会谈谈,也许我会称他为我的胡迪尼,让我们走到一起。我们忘了关前门,秋风吹凉了我两腿间的温暖。我感觉到脖子上写着“对不起”轻柔得听不见,却足以打动我。我知道他需要出去。我会记得在田地和生锈的拖拉机后面的小山上,我在他怀里的感觉吗?我像爷爷在挖矿一样努力工作,我的精液滴在我脚边的裤子上。“你需要买一条腰带。”他把手伸到我面前,从墙上抽出回形针。“好吧”像石头一样从我嘴里掉出来。我需要他的脸在微笑,所以我把它放在那里,在我的脑海里。“你想让我再热一下你的咖啡吗?”我听到了。我不能回答。好吧,我是在野外遇到他的,我以前也遇到过像他这样的人,阿诺多就是他们之间的地方....阿尔诺多从来不会在野餐的时候打电话。然而,在旁观者看来,这正是它看起来的样子——一个男人,一个锡纸三明治,一件毛衣在他的屁股下面。考虑到阿诺尔多坐的地方离公路很近,疾驰而过的汽车可能会让很多人感到吃惊,但阿诺尔多太专注于打开包裹,然后又被WhatsApp的通知分散了注意力,没有注意到。就这样过了整整5分钟:打开锡纸角,皱起皱起,WhatsApp通知,叮叮,Arnoldo放下三明治,拿起电话,全神贯注,拿起三明治,在他买东西之前,叮叮。阿尔诺多并不介意:他只是来凑热闹的。摄制组从城里开了一辆货车。一共八个人,阿尔诺多和他们中的大多数人都相处得很好。虽然有时人们似乎会回避他的善变时刻,但对阿尔诺多来说,这没有多大意义,但他不是一个追求别人的人。例如,有一次他正在卷烟,一个陌生人走到他面前:“嘿,伙计。我能借些烟草吗?”“伙计!当然,你不想要手卷的吗?”“不,男人。我能行,给我点烟草——”“阿尔诺多!你能不能别胡闹了。我们准备好出发了。”当阿尔诺多站起来准备离开的时候,他想着他会在货车里吃完三明治,地中海的微风把汽油、盐和铜尘的混合物吹向了阿尔诺多,风中可卡因的气味令人难以忍受。一个小小的闪回击中了他。手和袋子,袋子倒着。桌子上有线条,然后是音乐,音乐像雷鸣一样响亮。阿尔诺多打开天井的门,走出去,呼吸着夜晚的新鲜空气。品尝烟味,夜鸟鸣唱,一声呐喊。崩溃。桌子上的线条,歌曲的变化。在货车的后面,其他人从阿尔诺多身边探出身子。阿诺尔多阿诺尔多阿诺尔多!阿尔诺多想,把三明治完全打开。他只啃了啃角落。这些天他吃得不多。 自从他的妻子开始化疗后,他也失去了食欲。他想知道她在家里干什么,感觉怎么样,有没有吃东西。“阿尔诺多,”约瑟在车前说。阿尔诺多可以从后视镜里看到约瑟夫的脸。“现在,当我们到达那里时,你必须把零食收起来,这样我们这次就可以快点做完了。”面包车里的其他人咯咯地笑了起来。阿尔诺多笑了,跟在他们后面。面包车开进了工地,阿尔诺多把没吃完的那一半三明治重新包了起来,刷掉了衬衫上的面包屑,但还是漏掉了大部分。他高兴地环顾四周,看到人们站着、伸伸懒腰,从满是灰尘的货车里鱼贯而出,精神抖擞。当一个人微微弯下腰伸伸腰时,另一个人说:“昨晚把你妻子拖上床睡觉,腰疼吗?”更多的集体笑声。过了一会儿,当大多数男人鱼跃而出后,阿尔诺多提出:“你的妻子,她会做所有的工作。玛尔塔做的辣椒很好吃。”阿尔诺多笑着环顾四周;听到他说话的几个人轻轻地笑了,但眉头紧锁。约瑟夫插嘴说:“好了,伙计们,我们走吧。太阳很快就出来了。这个网站从八月开始就清空了,但也许店主没有度假,可能是在登记入住,或者谁知道是什么,所以让我们把这个做完,然后上路吧。“我妻子说我跑得快,但我不是建筑工人!”阿尔诺多眨了眨眼睛,研究着人们的反应。更多的窃笑,几声真诚的笑声。男人们开始从后备箱里拿出撬棍和锤子,铁器响个不停。阿尔诺多把最大的撬棍递给约瑟夫,自己拿了一双破旧的皮手套。阿尔诺多喜欢把东西撕成碎片。他喜欢敲击木板,喜欢那种嘎吱嘎吱的张力和木头屈服的声音。清晨的第一缕晨光透过建筑物的框架照了进来。男人们把木板塞满了箱子。他们把工具放在腿上背了回去。阿尔诺多的肚子咕咕叫。他把一只手放在腰围上方,微笑着揉了揉。没事的,会没事的,我们都没事。工人们干活的时候,阿尔诺多坐在车里,一边咬着,一边指导那些翻白眼的工人。阿尔诺多看着他们翻白眼。他自己练习。他的动作不够流畅。他可能看起来很奇怪。但对阿尔诺多来说,尝试的感觉很好。
本文章由计算机程序翻译,如有差异,请以英文原文为准。
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来源期刊
Anthropology and Humanism
Anthropology and Humanism Arts and Humanities-Literature and Literary Theory
CiteScore
1.00
自引率
0.00%
发文量
43
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