‘It's a magnifying glass for your relationship’: a thematic analysis of motivations, benefits, and challenges in consensually non-monogamous relationships

Abstract

The last decade has seen an increase in public and academic interest in consensual non-monogamy (CNM). CNM involves sexual and/or romantic relationships between multiple partners, with the consent of all individuals involved. Engagement in CNM is estimated at 5% of the general population, although due to stigma with the strong idealisation of monogamy in many cultures, it is a hidden population. This qualitative study explores the motivations, benefits, and challenges experienced in CNM relationships, an area that has been understudied despite the resurgence of interest in it. While previous research has mainly focused on comparisons between CNM and monogamy or individual types of CNM such as polyamory, this study seeks to provide a broader understanding of CNM relationships. We employ a critical realist framework and thematically analyse semi-structured interviews with eight participants. The results identify three overarching themes: mononormativity and cultural norms; growth and responsibility; and diversity and complexity; each has several subthemes. These findings suggest that CNM provides opportunities for greater diversification of needs and increased community and individual growth. The study also highlights the challenges experienced in CNM relationships and the strategies used to manage them, such as personal responsibility for managing difficult emotions and temporarily closing a relationship at times for relationship security. A novel finding in this study is that some individuals involved in CNM have internalised cultural norms and the idealisation of monogamy and need to unlearn these norms. This study adds to the existing knowledge on CNM and is expected to be of interest to clinicians and researchers seeking to understand its motivations, benefits, and challenges. Relationship therapists will benefit from increased knowledge of how to work with clients interested or engaged in CNM relationships. Overall, this study supports previous findings that CNM is a viable, enjoyable, yet sometimes challenging type of relationship.