Farm of Forgetting

IF 0.2 Q4 WOMENS STUDIES
Erika G. Abad
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引用次数: 0

Abstract

Mamá,As the earth shudders, you open your eyes.Your eyes take in the cold gray sky hovering behind palm trees that survivedHurricane Maria, the hurricane that split your cabinets.Earthquakes cracked your walls.You hear your name. Feel fingers smoothingAgainst your brow. Gray sky, quaking earth, persistent palm treesBegin preparing for your return.From your bed, your frail voice calls out toYour Amados, your beloveds. Amado Sr.,Your beloved husband, sits by you.He takes remnants of your hands still filled with flesh and warmth into his.Amado Jr., the younger beloved, brews your coffee in the kitchen.The aroma of Cafe Rico wafts past decaying cabinets.The paint crumbles off the walls.you revisit memories of las nenas de Mamá.They crawl into bed with you as coffee percolates.Their knobby knees, your gnarled, knuckled handsshare warm hugs and giggles.They squeal and hum and hug into you how much they love you.They never outgrow the words and the hugs girls need to grow up to give to men. Mamá, if you only knew how long I never wanted to love them.The elder Beloved asks what else you need.The younger Beloved adds milk and sugar before bringing you coffee to your bedside. I still remember you bringing it to mine, MamáThe elder lifts your lip up to the cup as his son sits.They don’t know, among other things, what the graying sky, the weathered trees, the shuddering earth have come to do;they do not yet know of your homegoing.Café con leche is the last bit of sweetness to touch your lips.After it has coated your throat, with a coughand a squeezing of hands, your soul follows the graying sky, weathered trees, the shuddering earth home.You leave your body behind surrounded by the ones you insisted see you through this end.And you, Mamá, are grateful.The younger beloved throws himself on what’s left of your skin and boneswhile the elder beloved weeps. Their cries, ride the Caribbean winter breeze,bringing providence in to call an ambulance.You inform the gray sky, the quaking earth, and the stubborn palm trees—You tell them—that you and your God have prepared.You bought your coffin, your plot, you bought the nameplate your life never allowed you to read.You reserved the funeral home.Las nenas need only worry about the planes. Mamá, I worry about fading. I worry about the tumor returning. Mamá, I still worry about COVID-19.As others’ souls slip through them, the gray sky, the trembling earth, tell youThere’s never enough. Resistant tears, and youthful heartsAre never prepared.Never wanting,Never wanting to lose your hands.You remind the earth, the sky, and the silent treesyour love doesn’t die with your body. Mamá, how can I agree when forgetting to love me was necessary for your surviving?All the secrets, all the unnamed wounds, the palm trees hiss,Get left behind.They linger, the quaking earth says, longer than it takes your body to join me.Those scars flounder, the palm trees persist, before you become the earth that feeds me.The unnamed hurt, the gray sky spits, gets pulled out of me . . . Aye, Mamá, I tire of hidingYour wounds are the roots that bind us.Aye, you say, they’ll forget—No, the sky and trees, and earth insist, not the women you birthed to carry us. I never wanted to remember you as anything but warm, Mama.
遗忘的农场
妈妈,当大地颤抖时,你睁开眼睛。你的眼睛注视着在飓风玛丽亚中幸存下来的棕榈树后面盘旋的寒冷的灰色天空,飓风摧毁了你的橱柜。地震打碎了你的墙。你听到了你的名字。感觉手指滑过你的额头。灰暗的天空,颤抖的大地,执着的棕榈树开始准备你的归来。从你的床上,你微弱的声音呼唤着你的爱人,你的爱人。老阿玛多,你亲爱的丈夫,坐在你身边。他把你那还充满肉和温暖的手握在他手里。小阿玛多(Amado Jr.)在厨房为你煮咖啡。里科咖啡馆的香气飘过腐朽的橱柜。墙上的油漆掉了下来。你重温了拉斯内纳斯·德·马马的记忆。他们爬到你的床上,因为咖啡渗透。他们多节的膝盖,你粗糙的,指关节的手分享温暖的拥抱和傻笑。他们尖叫着,哼哼着,拥抱着你,告诉你他们有多爱你。她们永远不会因为长大而失去对男人说话和拥抱的能力。妈妈,你要是知道我有多久不想爱他们就好了。年长的宠儿问你还需要什么。年轻的爱人在把咖啡端到你床边前,先加牛奶和糖。我还记得你把它端给我,MamáThe长辈把你的嘴唇举到他儿子坐着的杯子上。除了别的,它们不知道灰白的天空、饱经风霜的树木、颤抖的大地来做什么;它们还不知道你回家了。咖啡牛奶是最后一点甜味接触你的嘴唇。当它覆盖了你的喉咙,用一声咳嗽和紧握的双手,你的灵魂跟着灰暗的天空、饱经风霜的树木和颤抖的大地回家。你离开了你的身体,被你坚持要陪你走完这一步的人包围着。而你,妈妈,很感激。年轻的爱人扑在你身上,而年长的爱人却在哭泣。他们的哭声,乘着加勒比海冬天的微风,让上帝来叫救护车。你告诉灰暗的天,震动的地,顽梗的棕树,你和你的神已经预备好了。你买了你的棺材,你的墓地,你买了你的生活不允许你看的铭牌。你预定了殡仪馆。美国人只需要担心飞机。妈妈,我担心褪色。我担心肿瘤复发。妈妈,我还是很担心COVID-19。当别人的灵魂从他们身边溜走,灰暗的天空,颤抖的大地,告诉你永远都不够。顽强的眼泪和年轻的心是永远准备不了的。从不想,从不想失去你的双手。你提醒大地、天空和寂静的树木,你的爱不会随着你的躯体而消逝。妈妈,忘记爱我是你生存的必要条件,我怎么能同意呢?所有的秘密,所有无名的伤口,棕榈树的嘶嘶声,被抛在身后。颤动的大地说,它们逗留的时间比你的身体加入我的时间还要长。那些伤痕挣扎,棕榈树坚持,在你成为滋养我的大地之前。无名的伤害,灰色的天空吐出,从我身上被拉出来…是的,妈妈,我厌倦了隐藏你的伤口是把我们连在一起的根。是的,你说,他们会忘记的——不,是天空、树木和大地坚持,而不是你生下来带我们的女人。妈妈,我一直希望在我的记忆中你是温暖的。
本文章由计算机程序翻译,如有差异,请以英文原文为准。
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