Foreword to the First Edition

Abstract

I Pauline Tesler is an inspiring evangelist bringing a message of renewed hope and exciting new possibilities for divorce lawyers and their clients. I am a divorce lawyer and my story illustrates the pressing need for Pauline’s excellent manual. During my 32-year legal career, I have handled hundreds of family law matters. Like most of my colleagues, I chose this specialty because I wanted to make a positive difference in the lives of clients going through stressful life transitions. I was the consummate warrior. I fought passionately for my clients and “won” many battles. However, I was often disappointed when my “victories” did little to reduce the pain of my clients and their children. Sometimes I had the disturbing thought that, despite our most noble intentions, divorce lawyers did more harm than good in many situations. It became clear to me that the courthouse was not the optimal forum to resolve family disputes and restructure family relationships. The adversarial legal model works for automobile accidents and criminal matters but is ill suited to address the complex dynamics of family relationships. Nevertheless, well-meaning divorce lawyers have continued to drop families into the litigation meat grinder because there was no known alternative. Although we had hoped to reduce the divorce court body count when mediation came into vogue, it has not been the panacea that was envisioned. In some mediation models, the parties do not have lawyers during the process and unjust results occur. Other types of mediation are little more than a subpart of the litigation process: after the parties have spent a considerable amount of financial and emotional capital preparing for trial, they then mediate. The case may be settled, but avoidable damage to the spouses and their children occurs as a result of the temporary hearings, written discovery,