The emotional and psychological labour of insider qualitative research among systemically excluded and oppressed groups: A call for equity in training and practice

Abstract

As memories began to fill my mind, reminding me of the details from my own experiences that I had forgotten, I realized just how well I know this topic. Had I forgotten? Or had I just pushed these memories to the corners of my mind? I awoke at 4:00AM, parched, while my mind recalled lines of interview data that resonated with my own experiences. Stories of trauma that consumed hours of carefully conceptualized research had begun leaching into my dreams. Universities with a history of exclusion now seek to recruit systemically marginalized early career researchers (ECRs) with expertise in equity-related research, requiring unique training and research practices. Given shifts to include systemically marginalized groups in faculty hiring, graduate-student recruitment, ethics protocols, and funding calls for community-based research, these ECRs are likely to conduct research within their communities, on topics of personal relevance (i.e., insider research). Qualitative methodological training, practice, and literature on the conduct of insider research places an emphasis on reflexivity in order to ensure rigour, trustworthiness, and ethical processes; however, the emotional and psychological demands of insider research on the researcher are seldom discussed. Greater attention to the impacts of insider research is critical for understanding how ECRs can prepare for and be supported in their training and research. I argue that as critical qualitative scholars, we consider how researchers are potentially impacted by the emotional and psychological impacts of their work, particularly those from systemically marginalized groups conducting insider research. As an illustrative example, I recount my experience as an insider on a qualitative research study investigating individuals’ experiences of conversion therapy, practices that attempt to suppress or change one’s sexual orientation, gender identity and/or expression. This methodological reflection is based on analytical memos and field notes written during a research project completed as part of my research assistant work. Embodiment and creative non-fiction are used to articulate my experiences of conducting deeply personal qualitative interviews and engaging in a critical analysis of stories of trauma that mirrored my own. Specifically, I have narrated four vignettes that articulate my story of beginning insider research with confidence and stoicism and ending, for now, with a churning stomach and lingering state of mental arousal. The vignettes illustrate the emotionally and mentally charged task of conducting insider research on topics of inequity as a systemically marginalized researcher and call for an ethic of equity to account for this unique labour – labour from which the academy benefits at the expense of systemically marginalized ECRs’ wellbeing. Conducting qualitative research using interpretivist, constructivist, critical, or emancipatory paradigms, where insider research is commonly situated, goes beyond the conventional, intellectual exercise of disseminating written work that is seemingly void of emotion in an academic journal. Moreover, being an insider within these paradigms demands empathy, vulnerability, emotion, passion, and personal sacrifice on the behalf of the researcher. Finally, this paradoxically rewarding and taxing work necessitates adequate education in methodological courses, institutional support amidst austerity, and an openness to innovation when calling for diversity in the academy.