Children and Grief.

Abstract

An EEO/Affirmative Action employer, University of Wisconsin-Extension provides equal opportunities in employment and programming, including Title IX and ADA requirements. Just as death is part of life, grief is an experience everyone will undergo at some time. Children who experience grief need comfort, support, and guidance—even when adults are also struggling with their own feelings of loss. Preschoolers do not understand that death is permanent and happens to all living things. They usually see death as reversible and temporary, a belief reinforced by cartoon characters who die and come to life again. A young child may fully expect the return of a loved one. A child's grieving is not continuous, because a young child's capacity to experience intense emotions is limited. A child's grief is intermittent and brief, but, in fact, it usually lasts longer. The work of childhood mourning may need to be addressed at different times throughout the growing years-starting school, parent's day at school, going to camp, etc. A child may regress to younger behaviors. Your preschooler may want a bottle again; temporarily become more infantile by demanding food, attention, and cuddling; or talk baby talk. Patience and understanding is important. After the loss of a loved one, a child may feel unsafe and fear may intensify. Children may express concern over what will happen if the remaining caregiver dies. When a sibling dies, the child may wonder if he or she is next. Anger is common during grief. A child may feel that it just isn't fair or even be angry at the person who died. Acting out and misbehaving are common. A child may get into fights, withdraw, or become oppositional. Acknowledge your child's anger to deescalate it's intensity.  Consider your emotional state; you may want to have someone with you when you inform your child.  Keep it simple. Use " died, " not " sleeping. "  Allow your child to express raw feelings freely. Offer only as much detailed information as is requested.  Answer honestly and simply, but don't go into detail, unless asked.  If the death was due to violent crime, explain how the child will remain safe.  If the body is suitable for viewing, allow the child to see the deceased, if requested. Prepare the child for the viewing.  Give your child choices. Some children want to go on with their familiar daily routine.  …