“Meeting the Reality of Our Situation”

Abstract

This chapter examines the “matching” process between birth and adoptive parents, as well as the adoptive placement process and its immediate aftermath. It addresses the reasons that adoptive parents are typically selected by expectant parents—or agencies, when birth parents do not wish to make the decision. It also explores parents’ accounts of their initial meetings with the birth parents, as well as the varied circumstances that surrounded the placement of children (e.g., expectant parents’ financial difficulties or emotional instability). The chapter also addresses initial patterns of openness and contact between birth and adoptive families, alongside a discussion of how adoptive parents’ expectations surrounding openness may be unmet in ways that may be frustrating, challenging, or ultimately rewarding.