Greg Lum's "Prisoner of Pain".

Abstract

Ihave been haunted for a very long time by Greg Lum’s piercing narrative about the spiritual and psychological exile he descended into after an accident irrevocably altered his life. There was life before the accident and life after. His life before was full of promise and the enjoyment of the culture of theater and music with his friends. He was writing his PhD dissertation on dramatic adaptations of classical works of literature. His life after the accident was centeredon attempts to find relief from severe and constant pain. On his journey to find relief, he encountered healthcare providers who insisted that he was getting something out of being in pain, others who withheld medication until he ‘‘begged’’ essentially blaming him for his afflictions just as ‘‘Job’s friends blamed him for his.’’ He found somemeasure of control over his life when he began going to a pain clinic and exercising more regularly. ‘‘I see that I can have some say and can take a more active role in dealing with the symptoms even if no one else can determine what’s wrong with me. But what I don’t need is psychobabble on top of trying to cope with pain.’’ Lum describes the problematic effects of pain and antidepressantmedications on his cognition. He is angered by the burden of guilt imposed upon him by those who could not diagnose the sources of pain throughout his body. And then there is the sadness that he is unable to finish his dissertation. ‘‘I suspect thatwhat orwho I am is decided bywhat kind of pain, and howmuch pain I’m in. I can no longer remember a timewhen Iwasn’t in pain. The last 7 years have pretty muchbecome fused and fuzzy and haveoverwhelmed any memories of my life before this intense, chronic pain that has changed my life to an existence. I can recall only colorless memories of what I’ve done in the past, such as traveling, living, and studying abroad, but I can’t remember what they felt like because pain filters and interferes with even my memories. I can’t call up memories of physical activities. For instance, I can recall going to the Comédie Francaise, but I can’t remember actually sitting through Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme for however long it lasts and recalling how it felt to be so caught up in the play that I’d forget myself, because if I try, all I can call up is how painful it would be now to even go to such an event. (I angered my neighboring spectators at the last play I saw because I couldn’t sit still.).’’ Livingwith severe and chronic pain can be a life lived in exile. Greg Lum’s life after his accident echoes Sophocles’ Philoctetes, who was abandoned on an uninhabited island after being crippled by a wound that would not heal. His incessant cries of agony and complaint and the malodorous wound were unbearable to his comrades in the Greek Army. Certain encounters that Greg Lum experienced with healthcare ‘‘providers’’ left him overwhelmed with anger and sense of abandonment. At times it seemed as though no one knew what to do or how to help him. He was blamed for causing his own constant pain or getting something out of being in pain, essentially intimating that hewas making himself a victim. Some were filled with genuine concern for Greg but were frightened and overcome by the depth of his suffering, unable to find a way to ease his Author Affiliation: Distinguished Professor Emerita, College of Nursing, University of Massachusetts Amherst. Dr Young-Mason is author of States of Exile: Correspondences Between Art, Literature, and Nursing; 21 Words for Nurses; author/editor of the first and second edition of The Patient’s Voice: Experiences of Illness and Critical Moments: Doctor and Nurse Narratives and Reflections; and numerous articles and essays in the medical, nursing, and cross-disciplinary literature. For thepast 24years, Young-Masonhas authored the ‘‘Nursingand theArts’’ column in Clinical Nurse Specialist: International Journal for Advanced Nursing Practice. The columnexplores theways inwhich theperformingandexpressive arts inform and enrich the art of nursing practice. It seeks to answer the question: how might nurses continue to evolve their understanding of the human condition, their aesthetic perceptions, and their appreciation of the fleeting intangibles of human existence, whichmay seem insignificant compared with the scientific data they are accustomed to relying upon? Dr Young-Mason consults to rural and urban healthcare facilities on the creation of healing environments including Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Bay State FranklinMedical Center. Young-Mason’sWeb site,www.arts4health.org. The author reports no conflicts of interest. Correspondence: Jeanine Young-Mason, EdD, RN, CS, FAAN, College of Nursing, UniversityofMassachusetts, Amherst, 9 Seaview Lane, Newbury, MA 01951 (arts4health@comcast.net; www.arts4health.org). DOI: 10.1097/NUR.0000000000000180