A Child Wanted by Two, Conceived by Several: Lesbian-Parent Families Negotiating Procreation with a Known Donor

ABSTRACT This article presents procreation agreement negotiations and the role played by men taking part as known donors in the parental project of lesbian mothers in the province of Quebec, Canada. Thirty-six individuals were interviewed: 10 female couples, 11 donors, and 5 of the donors’ life partners. The results show that the donors’ contribution takes place within a deliberative process during which the adults involved discuss 5 elements, namely (a) the procreation method selected, (b) the issue of future donations, (c) the forms of address and the role of the donor in the life of the children issuing from his donations, (d) the possible involvement of the donor's loved ones in the life of the lesbian-parent family, and (e) responses to various scenarios that might arise in the future. The negotiation also addresses concerns that those involved might have regarding the children's needs, resulting in a complex web of interpersonal relationships. Our findings show that dialogue is the key unifying factor, ensuring that everyone is in agreement and that the donor's role with respect to the child is in line with the expectations of everyone involved.