A temporal approach to communicating relationship styles in romantic relationships

Abstract

This study investigated how a trichotomy of relationships styles—self-focused autonomy, other-focused connection, and mutuality (Harter et al., 1997) are communicated in romantic relationships through seven temporal enactments of time—linearity, pace, punctuality, delay, separation, scheduling, and flexibility (Ballard & Seibold, 2004). Twenty in-depth interviews with New Zealand college students indicated that individuals experience all seven enactments of time in their romantic relationships when attempting to find a balance between interdependent desires of autonomy and connection. Results revealed that people integrated most temporal dimensions with multiple relationship styles; however, some temporal enactments tended to exhibit more singularity towards specific relationship styles. Participants used self-focused autonomy to describe performances of linearity, pace, and delay in their relationships. Mutuality was most commonly represented in terms of scheduling and flexibility. Findings also identified two relationship styles (i.e., other-focused autonomy and self-focused connection) not mentioned by extant literature. Other-focused autonomy was portrayed by individuals to create a sense of independence from their partner despite a desire to interact. The second new relationship style that emerged was self-focused connection. Participants described using deception and urgent excuses to get their partner’s physical presence, when their partner communicated that they wanted more time apart. This paper is the first step toward understanding the complex relationship between temporality, relationships styles, and interpersonal communication.